It has been an internal fight lately... i want to write but what's on my mind, what i want to write about, what i should be writing, what i should be sharing or not sharing remains a question to me.
It is a difficult phase when all you are going through or experiencing are things debatable on sharing front.
Today i was just surfing and started reading a few blogs. Beautifully shared lives and growing up.
And then i wondered why am i not writing enough?
Why did i start writing in the first place? Not for people to read, not for people to judge me, not to brag about things, not for people to know me better, not to make people jealous, not to get popular but solely to create memories and to be able to look back and re-live those words laid down over here.
What if someone says... look at her, she cannot think about anything but her baby!
What if people think i have turned my blog in to a craft blog or a whining blog or mamma blog or a baby blog!
Does it really matter?
If it worried me that much, "consequences of sharing", then i better be penning down thoughts secretly in a personal diary!
Do i write for people to read or do i write for myself? I got to decide.
Will it be fair to me if i stop writing just because someone wouldn't want to read what i am writing about?
If not to anyone, i should be fair with myself.
When i feel that i want to catch this phase of my life, i want to wrap feelings and emotions i experience for the first time (or second time or again and again) wrap into words and put in safe for me to explore five years, ten years, fifteen years down the line.
I may remember today, i may not remember today... today might be a significant day making a life altering event of my life or it might be just another day which i wont remember after a few years but these feelings i put in words will stay, will live.
I want to share so many things and at the same time dilemma pops in whether it is appropriate to share some things.
I want to say aloud how you made me feel, i want to share how lucky i am to have you, i want to tell you how my life change because of you.
I want to shout from the rooftop each and every development on our little bunny front, each new mischief he did and each new milestone he passed but sometimes i am not sure if i should!
With Ashu, it was easy to ask if he was comfortable on what i share but with Lil Bun, i am not sure. I tried asking him, but whatever i ask him all he gave me is an adoring, heart melting smile with twinkles in his eyes!
Ohh how much i love my little guy.
I don't know what individual he will end up like, he might not like his mum didn't maintain his anonymity. Or may be he will love reading what / how it used to be!
Anyway as you might have already noticed from my previous post that i decided to write, to share. At the same time in my tries to balance things out a bit my little one has become what he is to us "Our Little Bunny" (or lil Bun as i call him some times).
When he grows up he will create his own identity and totally uptp him what he wants to be!