Friday, August 21, 2009

A Love Story - "It ended !"

I knew her from many years back....
After all we studied together and shared a love and hate relationship... Not sure whether it was us or group we hanged out with.

Then we all moved to different places, some pursuing careers, some pursuing higher studies.... By chance we ended up moving to the same city for further studies.

I had a home there. She was new to the city and had hardly any friends there. She would often complain when we talk occasionally that how boring it gets at time.
I felt I shall at least help her to settle down in the new environment which was a home to me... and just like that we started going out either dining or movie or just for a drive. We even laughed at how we disliked each other those school days. Opposites do attract and I think may be we started liking each other's company as we never left an evening before deciding on a next plan and we both always looked forward to it, or at least I did.

We used to chat whole day... online, on call and otherwise on SMS. Sometimes we talked through msg whole night. We would know each and every minute updates of each other.

I could see through her eyes, how she felt for me, but I could never admit that I felt the same way... All I always felt like doing was holding her hand and sit there forever and not to leave her for a moment. I felt miserable every evening while dropping her down her apartment and I could see same reflection in her eyes....

May be I was scared, after all I had gone through a break up earlier and that still hurt whenever I thought of it. I was so determined not to do same mistakes again and so there I was, scared and confused.

Days passed just like that and a day came, I had to move to a far away city for my first job. We met for the last time. I could see what was coming next but I felt so weak from within.
She cried.

I don’t know how I will survive in this city; wherever I see and will go it will remind me of our good time together.

All I could do was to hold her hand. I rub her wet eyes with my fingers, it felt soft. I told her reassuringly everything will be alright.

Don’t you think good memories are for to be cherished forever and not to be wasted crying and feeling sad? Won’t I miss you? I will miss you too but in a good way with all these good memories that we shared and feeling good that it happened!

Wasn't it true?? I believe in my words till day but I even repent why I didn’t say anything more that day! Was it enough to reassure her?

I moved to this new place. I had to.
Initially we talked and messaged each other whenever possible through out the day.
We exchanged everyday how we feel and how much we miss each other and during one such talk she asked me what do I feel for her, what do I think about her?
And still I couldn’t say anything... Only thing I could say…

I adore you!
***pause***
You just adore me? That you always said but even now nothing more than that??


I was confused. May be I was still not ready. Why didn't I say "I do more than adore you...”?
Wasn't that simple?
But I didn't.

And then gradually it happened, from talking all the time whenever we could grab a phone to talking once a day, then just good night message and then on weekends.

Days passed, weeks passed and then came the New Year holidays, I was so excited to be back to the city, to see her again.
I wrote her that I was coming and I wanted to discuss about something when we meet.
She wrote back in one line, unfortunately she will not be there on holidays as she is going to visit her parents!

I called her immediately asking if it was possible to adjust a few days here and there so that we can meet when I am in the city. She laughed saying "No".
I persisted…

"Hey don’t you want to meet me? "
"I do, but doesn’t seem possible this time…"
"Come on…."

"Or may be I don’t want to .... as I know how I felt when you left last time and how hard I tried to overcome that loneliness. I feel it is good for me that I am not there at that time as I would not want to pass through it all again ! "


My mind went blank, I wanted to tell her how I feel about her, how I wanted to think about our future together but I could not!
Looking at my pause she gently added…

"I will see though…. will give me a call when you are there."

I waited and waited, that call never came.
I didn’t have her any contact, I didn’t hear anything from her, I didn’t know where she was and her cell phone number didn’t work!

Holidays ended. I came back to work, but I could not concentrate on anything. I still waited for her to get back to me. She didn't. It hurt. And I was hurt that I didn’t try to contact her either after coming back. I decided to move on but passing days realized me I will not be able to until and unless I vent out my feelings, which was more and more suffocating me.

I could not stop myself writing a last letter, sorry an e-mail, to her before putting a full stop on once so beautiful chapter of my life!
I wrote about how I felt and how much I realised her importance in my life staying away. How much I wanted to see her this time when I was there so that I can tell her all these personally and we can think about our relationship seriously together. And how it hurt to see her changed!
But now that I realize may be she never felt that way and so now I am moving ahead, and will never look back.

A reply came in a minute I clicked "send".

I waited long enough to hear it. I even asked! And when I couldn't stand the reality I decided to move on. And I have moved on now.

And it ended, A most beautiful chapter of my life !

11 comments:

Droomvla said...

This is sad. But many times in our lives, I think we make this kind of mistake. You know, holding back how we feel. Later on, the what ifs and buts will haunt us for the rest of our lives.... for we will never know how the other felt IF only we were honest enough and confessed our feelings.

~Lopa said...

Yeah, when i started writing, I wanted to write a nice romantic love story, i kept writing and this is what came out ! Sad !

But i agree with what you said, I truly believe in saying what we feel at that moment, so atleast we won't have that repent over only if i said that time !

dipali said...

ek choti si love story...but it touched my heart..sad though meaning ful..somethings in life is for free flow......if you think it is your's it will surely come back to you....

thamarai said...

nice story Lopa...very interesting...but I really wish he had told her before..:)

~Lopa said...

@ dipali

Thanks re, yes its true if its yours it will come back to you; anyway life keeps going on :)

@thamarai

Thanks Vij, yes but then what would have been left to write??? hehehe In india we say... khaya piya and raj kiya, the end...hehehe

nameera said...

Sad! :(
Hey don't worry...she'll try to reach you..if she really cared!so...
how long it had been?

vivek said...

so u r back 2 story writing!! i cant comment on this though... ye love shav k bare me hame kya pata??/ :D

~Lopa said...

@ nameera

ya, i dont know why love stories need to be sad to be called one heck of a love story, hehehe
/ how long it had been?
of what? hair straightening or love story?? ;)
prev, 2 weeks now. Hmmm i didnt think about it while writing ;) lol

@vivek

yes I am Back....
ya u r my innocent lil bro, better you stay away from this love shav evil stuff ;)

nameera said...

lopa!the love story!duh!!not hair!

~Lopa said...

@ nameera

hehehe :o)

Anonymous said...

A amazingly lucidly written story. Well written. Remaind me of Amol Palekar's Rajnigandha film story. Good keep going......
Everyone who is unable to succeed their love , normally go through it.

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