Is it Good or Bad?

There are many moments in our lives which make us wonder how you should feel; happy, sad, ecstatic, bad, happy, confused?  

It's not as if i didn't notice them before but it comes more on face now that we have lil Bun in our lives.

Some 2-3 months back lil Bun suddenly started loving vacuuming. I don't remember if i already wrote it but he used to be not bothered by vacuum cleaners as a baby, then there came a phase when he started getting scared and at times angry on vacuum clear. We tried to soothe him by showing him it was okay and letting him touch it. We showed him how it works and nothing to be scared of, yeah only to face his addiction towards it. 
Now every evening he bangs doors of store room so that he can have vacuum cleaner. He starts cleaning, and when he is tired he wants us to clean. Now it's a good thing... right? to have a clean house? But wait did i tell you that you are not suppose to switch it off even when he moves on mopping from vacuuming. Also you are not allowed to stop vacuuming while he supervises you. Now repeat this 5 times a day. You got the picture.

This video was taken in his initial days, in the morning, still in his pyjamas,  now he is even better trained. Ohh god i need to make a latest video for memory.

I don't know from where he got this OCD, but now that's our boy ! We were so amazed when we saw him picking up any wrapper or piece of junk from the floor and heading straight to garbage bin. We were so proud. But soon he realized how proud we were so decided to out do himself by throwing away anything on the floor; things simply he didn't want that moment or things he thought suits more in dustbin ! You see?

Then there was one other day, which has nothing to do with Lil Bun (or may be he has) but i was just out of my gym, in my gym cloths and with a bag pack when two young handsome boys approaches me for some marketing. And they start with if i live alone or with my parents? What? Do i look like a, don't know what ! But may be i still look young (my optimism speaking). haha
On the serious note i blame that on difficulty in judging age of people from foreign origine, that makes more sense. 

There are so many such moments that come and go, adding spices in our lives. Now look at lots of my friends, and you (yes you) who read me ... follow my blog, or my recipes, or my paintings but i never come to know about it. Then suddenly one day one of you make my day dropping a line on how much you like what i do. That obviously makes my day. All you secret admirers (if any left there hidden) listening there?

You see.... life is full of those moment, you do not know whether it's good or bad, it's a complement or insult in disguise, to be happy or to be sad. So what do we do? Well, we pick up the brighter side, chose to smile, feel happy and make our day brighter, that's what we do.

Now tell me about your confusingly happy moment and make my day even more brighter, full of smiles ! :-)

Why?

We are surrounded by lots of "Why's ", at times we ignore it, at times we reason it out but then there comes a time when we just give up against why's. 

And then comes a cold death, Slowly and gradually those given up why's take us in grip and strip us down; bombing us with the dilemmas, confusion and head-banging moments.

Ok, i exaggerated. But you do agree that from time to time we do get some "why's" which surprises us and have no answers, right?!

Some time back we visited some of our friends in a  nice small gathering; we played a game where you are suppose to talk good things about your partners, offcourse it was a game and main purpose was to have fun and yet thought provoking it was ! 

It is amazing how granted we take our partners ! And it is amazing how words-bound we feel when we are not prepared for a question and we have to hit it on the spot. 

It made me think if it is really that we do not know or is it because of not being able to make up our mind on what can be shared, at what extend?

I have seen lots of people and even at times have been on a receiving end while sharing some things, sometimes on the name of not to look  like a show-off and at times on the name of not to put your good-will subject to evil-eyes and blessings of jealous souls. 

Do you think there is anything like jinx?

Can that be real, can anyone jinx something good?

Can anyone jinx your happiness?

There are so many things we don't know; we are not sure about and yet when we are not able to reason it out we just let it be and accept it as it is.

You got a beautiful baby; why putting so many pics online, not all are good people you see?

You made a luxury vacation? Why broadcasting on social media, not all are good people you see?

You bought a new house? You got a new high-profile job? Much deserving promotion? Got the latest hi-tech phone? A super sexy luxury car? A wonderful date? Visit to a posh restaurant? Won a lottery? No need to show off, not all are good people you see?

What is definition of good and not good people?

"Good" who feels happy for you and "Not good" who doesn't feel happy for you, is it?

Or just because someone can feel jealous, he is not good? But isn't jealousy a normal feeling, like happiness or sadness ? Is there anyone who never felt jealous of anyone for even once, for even a bit. Difference is some overcome that feeling and can talk their mind through it and some gets over possessed with the feeling and cannot overcome it that easily.

A strained relationship, whether to blame on involved individuals on how they handle it or on people who felt jealous or wished bad things for them seeing them happy together in past?

Isn't up and down part and parcel of life; of any relationship; why do we need reasons to blame it on? Why can't we just accept the fact and move on?

Why do you have to run away from being responsible, are we not strong enough to handle consequences of our own actions that we need reasons to blame it on someone else, something else?

Is it because we live under a social pressure to look perfect all the time?

Was it same if you had a fight with your friend in the school? Did you hide it from all? Then why do you have to hide it when you have a fight with your adult friend or your partner? When we don't judge our kids by the problems with their friends, why are we judged when we have problems with someone? Because we are all grown up and are supposed to handle our emotions in a better way? !

But is it even possible to suppress your emotions on the name of being in control of? Why can't we live in a moment, why can't we be like kids? Why can't we laugh forever on a silliest thing and why do we need reasons to be happy !  

Is it bad to be a kid, or have an innocence of a kid? No, right?

Then we are on the same page.

See, i told you so many Why's? There is no end but it is in our hands to make some why's work in our favour.

Why to wait then, why don't we get together and laugh till our stomach hurts? No reason, right?

So let's leave why's behind, let's just do it.

See you around, yes you. Thanks for being around.

Here i am, back.

After my big flop show on trying hands at blogging marathon, many times i sat down with mind full of thoughts to pen down....but as soon as i started writing i felt i need an explanation to all, a good enough one, for failing to write. So i thought and thought some more.

Home situation with no baby-sitter?
My Lil Bun's teething phase ?
Our summer vacation, which we finally managed, and visited my sister.

Ohh did i tell you about it and that how much Lil Bun loved it? He loved running in open back yard, he watered the herbs, he fed salad to chickens, he enjoyed the swings and loved the tree-house. It was so nice to see him happy and we were so happy to manage some family time together.

Only thing he didn't eat much... may be it was over-whelming everything new stage, his teething stage, or not having his dinner chair around...we could not figure it out. Then he fell sick the week following we were back and after that things have approved and he is working on getting his rosy cheeks back, almost there :-)

So you get the picture. And also last but not the least...my laziness and guilt of quitting marathon so abruptly and then not being able to drop by to say how shameful i felt about it.
But finally i have braved and i am here, writing once again.

One more thing that i am trying to get back once again is painting, sorry not painting actually but sketching. I did a lot while in school and haven't much lately so i thought why not !
Also trying to get back to cooking and trying new things.
Now let's hope i don't fall of this bandwagon this time.

Wish me luck.

Ohh and yes, also my first Karwa Chauth this year. Not first after the marriage but first that i decided to celebrate.

Happy KarwaChauth all lovely people out there celebrating.

Highs and Lows of last year - Day 9

Trying to catch up with my Blog Marathon :-)

Topic for Day 9: Highs and Lows of last year.

This one is easier. Last year being 2012, one of the life changing ones for us.

Highs :

2012 January - My sister's marriage....happy for her dream to come true... international couple getting married in an Indian setting. Love without boundaries, beyond the countries, cultures, religions, and one of the most fun weddings i attended till date. 

2012 May - We got lil bun in our lives. First time we saw him, hold him and kissed his delicate cheeks. Lots of joys and different perspective to our lives that he brought. 

2012 May to August - I got to stay with my mum for almost 3 months continuously after more than 10 years ! Same with dad, 4 weeks together after 10 years !

Lows:

2012 January - Spending 2 days in ICU during January'2012 while in india. Less than a week to go to my baby shower, less than two weeks before my sister's wedding. Worried faces all around. Not knowing what happened, waking up in hospital and worrying if this might have affected lil Bun inside me.

2012 August - When my parents left to go back home in August'12, i cried for 2-3 continuous days. 

2012 August - September - When i had to leave lil Bun in kindergarden and start back at work.

Quite an eventful year we had, 2012 we will never forget you :-)

By the way how was it for you?

7 Me - Day 7

As you can see, i already faced some hindrance in my marathon blogging. 

But i told you in the start itself, not to have too high expectations from me... i know i can be lazy but this has more to do with my schedule now a days, packed. Let's see if i can catch up, atleast nothing wrong in trying, right? :-)

Day 7: 7 facts about me, 7 being my DOB.

This one was really difficult. I can't believe myself that i cannot think any 7 interesting things about me, may be because i have too many to write or may be i have written so much about "i, me, myself", there is hardly any fact remaining to share worth sharing ! :-P

Lets see if you think you knew this about me : 

1. I didn't have a single girlie thing in my wardrobe when i was a kid. My first dress, i begged and fought for. When i got it i wore it, i danced and i circled closing my eyes in happiness. I have a picture like that as well. Thanks for clicking and saving that wonderful memory maa-pa :)

2. I used to write a diary as a kid. It went on something like. 

I woke up at 7:00am, I was late for school. I came back home in afternoon at 12:30. I had lunch. I went out to play in the evening. I slept at 8:00 pm.

And then i wondered why do people say it is good to write diary, mine reads same everyday. I used to be happy when we go out as then i can write today we went out for dinner. Or we went to xyz's house. Something different, huh? I even thought it is good to write because may be when i grow up i would like to read exactly which day i woke up or slept at what time. Guess what, I was wrong !

3. You know those white spots we get on nails as some calcium/ zinc/ vitamin deficiency. As kids, we used to think number of those marks shows how many best friends we got, and we used to keep counting how many each of us got. Look at the irony, i got none of those now. Does that mean i have no friends left? Nah, don't believe you stupid tale.

4. I cannot stand dumb people and dumb questions. Not that i have some extra-ordinary ideas about myself and my IQ, but somehow dumbness always came as a big turn off for me. Lack of general knowledge, can do with world being so vast to know it all but lack of common sense ? Nah no.

5. I couldn't eat too much sweet, after a few bites i start feeling uneasy. But during my pregnancy i developed a sweet-itooth...specially chocolate cakes. No wonder lil Bun loves them as well. More than year's time and i still haven't managed to lose my sweet tooth :-P

6. When i was a kid, i always wanted to be an engineer. I did become one and look at the irony i work for one and still not work on that !

7. I wanted a little sister and asked for one. I got one, cloud 9 i was on. My sister wanted a little brother and asked for one, we got one and were on cloud 9. I know we have amazing parents, don't i keep telling you? So much pressure we put on them...hehe and they delivered :D

Phewww. So did you know this about me already? :-)

Love to read - Day 6

I loved reading since i was a kid. I think i inherited from my parents, both of them loves reading.

I remember my summer vacation, we used to go stay at my grand parents. My grandpa not only loves reading but he had a small library setup in one cupboard. So it was a treat, i will forget to eat or drink and will be lost in my own world trying to finish as many books as i can.

Today's topic was "Favourite Books", i changed it as I don't have a favourite book ! I do have some authors that i like to read more may be. As a teenager i read anything i came across. I read those short storied which used to come in special editions of news paper on Wednesdays and Sundays.

Then i started reading Ashwini Bhatt, and i loved those novels. I even took my first library card so that i can read all of his novels and at the time it used to be difficult to get hold of them as they were that much in demand.

After that i was into Shree Kainyalal Munshi. They were so rich with history and royal characters that i remember being in love with those characters and i couldn't stop thinking about them for days after. I felt so sad when i finished them, i just wanted them to go and go. He is one genius that Gujarati shahitya was blessed with. I think i would still like to read them again. 

Then i moved to English ones and i will not bore with all the names but again it started as reading anything we get hold of...borrowing and sharing with friends. There have been phases of preferring one author over other and quite a few.

But in recent times one of my favourite authors is Dan Brown, i  liked his Deception Point and Da Vinci Code. I have read all of his books but i think the recent ones are not at par with those earlier ones. 

My current no-brain, light read chick lit favourite is Jill Mansell. Just because her characters are i can relate to, and they feed hopeless romantic inside me making me believe everything falls in place in the end. 

So that's me. 

How about you? :-)

Biggest Regret of my life - Day 5

Only if you turned back your life, what will you change ?

There might be all, there might be none.

If i change back my life, how will i be sure, you will be still in my life?

So basically, i love my life and i do not have any big regrets. Small mistakes ofcourse, but i wouldn't have learnt and grown without them.

When i try hard, there is one thing i can remember though during my teenage years.

That was my board exam year, i wasn't worried about my results. Because i always thought i wanted to be an engineer and i knew i will score enough to be one.

So i hardly studied. When my classmates stayed awake whole night studying, i would happily go and sleep early in my over-confidence.

My dad might have thought he has such a brilliant kids, like all parents think. And looking at my past records he thought i will score enough to become a doctor. I kept saying him that i see the life you lead, odd  hours...any time emergency calls so i am not going to be one. He laughed it out and thought might be me joking. 

Year passed and when my result came, sure enough i scored enough to be an engineer. But i broke my dad's heart. 

Only thing he told me that day was, it was ok if you didn't want to be a doctor...i wouldn't have forced you but i am shocked to see you didn't try harder thinking you might be. (And i feel ashamed accepting, he was right ! ) If you had scored for it, then it would have been your choice that you could get in anything you wanted and then you selected something you always wanted to do. Now it is you have limited choices open. 

And that moment i knew, the mistake i made.

I broke his heart and his trust, someone who trusted me and still does as much as no one in this world ever did or does.

So my biggest regret of my life is i didn't work harder, i didn't try harder.

In the years that followed, i have never forgotten those words. That was the biggest lesson of my life, try and then if you do not wish to go ahead with what is in front of you..... you will always have a choice to make. If you do not try, there will be no cross-roads to select from, no choices to make.

Favourite Comfort food / Favourite childhood toy - Day 3 / Day 4

Yes i missed Day 3, already !

But i told you my aim on the first day itself, didn't i? So today i am just going to combine Day 3 and Day 4 both, as seriously i could have written one word post for both topics if i wanted to cheat and keep the marathon day count on track.

Day 3's topic was : Favourite Comfort food.

There cannot be more difficult question for someone who just loves food.

My other blog "Cook with me..." is a proof of that, i just love to eat. I actually love to cook as well but after lil Bun's entry in our lives it has got a bit complicated.

I used to love parathas and paneer sabzis, but now a days i love different kinds of soup, i have tried so many varieties at home in last 3-4 months that i hadn't tried even in my whole before-this-obsession-started-life combined till then.

But you can't eat just soup everyday, and you need something more solid, more filling to fill your stomach. Now a days that award will go to Pizza and Pasta. We make Pizza at home atleast once a week, sometimes even after that we eat it out or order them home. And we eat Pasta min once or twice a week. So it had kind of become our staple and comfort food. We eat indian may be once or twice a week only. And when we do, we end up with bloated uncomfortable bellies complaining heavy food or over-eating !

Day 4's topic was : Favourite Childhood toy.

Now this one is even more difficult, considering i don't remember me being a toy person !

I remember i was into collecting pens. I needed a new pen before every exam, and that too only if papa got me a new one and that will be the one i would be writing my exams with. I was so fond of pens, my cupboard had a special corner for them. Whenever we visited stationery shops, all i would eye is big displays of pens. What i loved the most as gifts were pens ! haha So easy it was to please me ! lol

But when i try hard enough to remember a toy, one things which comes to my mind is a stuffed goat that i had...kind of real looking with real goat hairs. I used to love it. But then after some years its hair started coming off and my parents decided it wasn't good enough for me to play with it anymore. So for some years it stood on highest shelf where i cannot reach as i wouldn't allow throwing it away. There atleast i could see it and can be happy it is there. It was as if it was my pet, i wanted it with me all the time. I would pat it, touch it, pamper it, play with it.

I have some pictures with it, even in the family pics i have it standing beside me. I don't remember how old i was at that time.... when i got that goat i was less than 3, i am sure, may be 2. I don't remember getting it, all i remember is i had it forever from my earliest memories.

And guess what !! If it was too difficult to pictures what i was talking about, i managed to dig one photo out of old albums, have a look. haha :-D Yes that was my goat :-)

So that's for now and i am really sleepy now. Have been feeling a bit of upset stomach, so a bit headache n backache as well. Time to catch up some sleep and rest as lil Bun won't change his morning schedule to let mumma rest a few mins extra ! :-)

Good Night and have a fabulous week ahead.

p.s. i will do spell check tomorrow, promise. Sorry for my fast and furious post, which might be full of unreadable english, due to my sleepy brain. Sorry !!!

My religion, my faith. - Day 2

Now this is a tricky subject, more because i am confused how religious i am ! 

I do have faith, yes on lots of things actually. And that might have to do more with people than religion.

I really like to follow some of the traditional rituals that i grew up with and the happiness which those traditions and some associate festivities bring. Happy faces around, lots of catching up, dressing up, good food, what more do we need for a perfect day? I love celebrations.

I think there has been strong reasons behind some traditions, and religious believes... but over the time some meanings evaporated and only stubbornness to follow them mindlessly remains. And then nothing stands right, religion and faith are gone. what remains is a herd. A herd of mindless faces. 

One of the things i believe is, it is faith that has kept this society going...faith in mankind, faith in humanity, faith in tomorrow, faith in each other and even faith in own self. 

If you deduct an element of faith from our lives i think this society will collapse... depressed and with no future to look fwd to. Life wouldn't be worth living. Faith stands as a strong base pushing up the optimism, making today and everyday worth living, worth fighting for. 

So yes may be i am religious, for my religion is faith. 

Faith in you and me, and a better tomorrow around us full of strikingly happy faces. 

Come, join me in the celebrations. We don't need reasons, for life is a reason.

August Blog Marathon - Day 1 : Top 3 Pet Peeves

I came across this August Blog Marathon list on Marathon Bloggers that i am member of. ( I know, i know... yes even when i have not managed to do marathon blogging. ! Pity. i know. )

Somehow i have always been an impulsive writer so i never thought to took up any blogging marathon or say marathon challenge . I normally try to share what i see, think, feel. Kind of locking on thoughts and memories. 
Now if there is a compulsion to jot down something everyday, i don't know if i can survive. But when i was nudged to join and i read the list of topics to help write, i saw it was actually quite good. And it was also on the same line of being able to write about things i see, think, feel but wouldn't write otherwise.
So i think i will give it a try.

May be i might miss a day or two here and there, but i think better to try whatever i can manage than to quit before starting. ( Don't tell anyone but i am not aiming too high here, My aim is to manage atleast 20 out of 30 and if i manage more, that will be a pat on my back :-P)

So here we go.

Day 1: Topic: Top 3 Pet Peeves.

My list might not be typical pet peeves but it's just 3 things which annoys me and often puts me off mood when have to deal with it for longer than my a few minutes threshold. Yeah yeah i am trying to improve, but i am still far away from that zen condition where i am peaceful with my inner-self without external factors affecting me ! But i am on it, watch out ;-)

1. People not giving due credits to others.

I have come across lots of people, who listens to the flying bees and then they are "the experts". Somehow i cannot stand "I know everything" attitude. Give the credits if someone told you so, give the credit if someone taught you so, give the credits if someone helped you to accomplish it., give the credits if you actually copied it from someone. It only makes you more of a humble person. No one is born all-rounder, we all adapt, learn and grow, there is no shame in accepting it.

2. Uncalled advises.

It is not that i hate advises, i actually look fwd to some sharing and learning time to time. But when someone who doesn't know what it is to be in that shoes,  and starts advising on the topic he or she had never had to deal with... it just doesn't sound right, atleast to me.
I try not to bring those topics up to people who i know might not have faced it and so will not know integrity of the subject or situation, but still you know people pick up on some things. Fortunately or unfortunately we live in a society where for some, providing an advise, is equivalent to being helpful or caring.

So while i appreciate the gesture, i appreciate one mentioning how someone else faced something similar and coped with it, I believe it should stop there. full stop. But often it gets a bit difficult to draw a line, and that is true for all of us. 

3. Exaggeration

Whether it is about knowledge, or about a situation, or anything xyz. I believe in facts and often find myself not very pleased with how a small detail or trait can take a massive form, well not literally but in someone's mind and words.

I know it was a bit serious, isn't it? 
So on a lighter note, how about this one?

1. A clown face, full of make-up
2. Noise of scratching things, anything.
3. Smell of old green colored Indian ST buses,(ya those which green seats as well)  which are about to become extinct, atleast in Gujarat !

Phewww... ok so i am done for day 1. Let's see what Blog Marathon Day 2 brings on  :-)

Promise to time of my Life.

What if i meet my life, like in real...as a living person whom i can see, touch and talk with. How he or she would be? As charming as me or a total surprise proving me wrong?

Ohh don't get confused, i know life is within me and life is what i am. But since i finished reading "The Time of my Life” by Cecelia Ahern a few days back it has been going on in my mind. What if?!?!

Now when you pick a chick-lit and it gives you this self-interrogation effect, it is something, isn't it?

I always thought that i read chick-lits for some mind-less fun, some head over the heels hopeless romance. But now this one as much as it was fun reading it still gave me enough to ponder upon.

What if "life" was really a person, and what if he/ she (your life*) comes to your door knocking to help you, to show you a direction when you start becoming a hope-less case without knowing about it. I am hooked to think endless (born defect), and now i have one more topic.

* Main character of this book "Lucy" was surprised to see her life was a "male" and i do not know what mine could be, so no taking chances here.

All life wants from us is to be happy, not for others but for ourselves. And many a times we don't even realize it - the impact we have on our lives, funny it sounds i know.

Even when we think we are doing everything right, have a job, have pets, have friends, have family and we are busy all the times and still it can be that we are unfair to life.

One cannot be fair to life without being fair to oneself.

It comes naturally to love and care around us, and at times it goes ignoring a few things you love for the people you love. It doesn't sound or feel too bad, but what if to your life it is unfair.

Let me make it a bit easy for you to get me, the book i am going on about is about Lucy Silchester. She receives an appointment card, an invitation to meet her life. She keeps ignoring it busying herself with work, helping friends, her cat (which she is not suppose to keep), family (she has problems with), car (which keeps giving up on her) and all the surrounding drama. So you got a gist but then comes a stage when she cannot miss this appointment anymore.

When she meets her life, she hates him at the first glance.... (Yes her life is a male, told you) what with badly dressed - soggy, grumpy, bad breathed little man.  She immediately feels the impulse to shut off on him, and tries to ignore him once again. But her life keeps up and decides to give her another chance and makes her see things that she could not. Over the course we see Lucy's life changed a lot throughout the story and that's because of Lucy, and how she treats her life and live it. But at the same time her life remained constant through out the story. He wanted what was best for her, and for her to be happy, not just from the outside what world could see but from within resulting her in overall a good person. 

That made me think, i was lucky enough to live my life the way i want... study whatever i wanted, fell in love and married love of my life who shared with me similar dreams and ambitions. Everything was perfect, we have been lucky to travel to places the way we dreamed, and live a life that we wanted. And now we have a beautiful piece of our hearts, living with us, amazing us everyday in a new way.

Now in all this, if my ambitions take a back-seat momentarily, will that be being unfair to my life?

If i do not have time for things I used to do or love or for my friends at times, will that be being unfair to my life?

If i let go of a few of my hobbies for time being to give more time to people i love, will that be being unfair to my life?

And in my laziness if i let go of my favorite meal so that we can have something we all love, will that be being unfair to my life?

When we do things with our own will, because at the time we think that is a right thing to do and that is the call of time, without anyone pointing us or asking from us, can we be still unfair to our lives?

So there i am, confused.

And one thing that makes me sure is to be grateful and promise to be always fair, to my life.

Dear Life, Thanks you for everything, thank you for choosing me and thank you for being with me.

I won't let you regret to have me to live forever with. I promise to do my best to be fair to you. 

Life in a Blur, and still so good.

Remember those times when you feel like you are living  life out of a book.

And times when you are living life in a blur.

That's what happening to my life. I don't even know if i am living it or it is living by itself.

You love to write (You means me here), everything you come across you promise yourself that you will write about it, and then it just blurs out.

So much happened in the time that lapsed. 

Lil Bun turned one end of the May. Past months he faced ear infections (twice) and had a sick period but look at him now is no more a baby, almost walking. Almost because that is as long as he doesn't know he is, as soon as he realizes he is walking on his own he comes and holds your hand. So now i am finding tricks to make him more absent minded so that he doesn't realise he is walking. Does it make sense to you? You believe and try to picture everything i say, don't you? I know. hehe 

Also I am back to love cooking, (and take pictures of it like some food maniac so that can blog about it, and then keep prostrating ! Sigh). Have so much lined up, i will get back to it. I promise. Meanwhile seriously want to get my blogs new look and feel, but i do not know how and love of my life is too busy now a days to help me out. So basically i am just waiting for some miracle to happen.

Have been feeling good to fit in old cloths ( not "old" old, but those from pre-pregnancy) but at the same time very well aware that still not back at what i used to be. But what does it matter as long as you feel comfortable under your skin. And let's face it i am not the same anymore inside out. I am a mom of a little miracle of our lives that indeed changed us and our lives inside out.  

If you don't feel good in a dress, don't buy it. If that dress is too tight for you, just notch up a number and go for another dress, as long as you feel good and you are comfortable.

Life is too short to be worried, to take stress and to worry about what other people think about you or they like you or not. 

Now that we are catching up on time lapsed inbetween, let me admit.... ahem, I also got a year older (and wiser, hopefully) this April.  It must be wiser to overcome obsession of FaceBook for say. But i am still there to keep a check on you that you don't do anything ridiculously naughty. Ohh did i just say that? What i really wanted to say is don't care for people thinking it is because of side-effect of having a baby which makes you to have not enough time. It might be true at times, but it will never be true to the core for always. Having him in our lives just taught us that there are more important things in life than living a virtual life, picturing a perfect life and eyeing other picture-perfect lives. 

I don't think being fake, jealous, judgmental or to be around such negative auroras was going to do any good to me. Instead of pretending why can't i just be what i feel like, why can't i just say what i think about.  And who cares seriously, well i know we all do care at one point or other but i mean isn't it good that you get to miss me and long to see me, just so that you can go being your bitchy/ judging self? haha But i like the part that you long to see me, i will ignore the rest ! I am in a good mood you see?  

Just my 2 cent of advise, having an awesome life in real is more important than having an awesome virtual life. Virtual life can wait, real life won't.

See i told you, i am getting wiser with age. Now don't roll those eyes, okay?

So back to so much happened...

I am really happy as after about one year i managed to be back at reading. Reading is something i always loved since i was a kid. Haven't be reading any intellectual stuff really if you ask me. Just some chic lits from Jill Mansell, just because i liked one of hers and ended up ordering so many from her. Light, and very chic. And with characters you can relate and can take you back to those bright dreamy days of hopeless romance your eyes sparkled with, once upon a time. I feel happy. All books end happy. Perfect. I love happy endings. Eventhough it doesn't make any sense in the real world still i do, I am a girl you see.

We managed to take some vacations. I don't remember if i mentioned before but i had such high hopes from Easter holidays. But i ended up cancelling and re-scheduling bookings to May because of weather (too much rain, too cold, snow in spring, seriously?) and health of my lil Bun. 

But the weather started getting better, and so did everything around us. We made a trial trip to small beautiful town of Belgium "Kortrijk" and a beautiful city from France "Lille" and of april. It was great, eventhough i was sick at the time, i felt great. We were out, breathing fresh air, bathing in sun, eating good food. Happy. Good.

And we made my re-scheduled trip from march in May. We been to Malta. Honestly it was nothing compared to what i had expected out of it. 

All I thought about was beaches, sun and warmth. And not to forget convenience of speaking english. But it ended up surprising me with much more than that it has to offer. Whether it was having a stroll in it's capital Valletta, or getting lost in time capsule in old city Mdina, or just simply standing there overlooking the Bastions ! It was perfect. 

We explored almost whole island and our lil Bun behaved himself like a pro-traveller. So proud of him. And so happy that he inherited liking for travelling from his parents.  He was so happy to be out, to enjoy the freedom of playing in open air, to stand at the balcony and gaze at sea while the breeze plays with his face. He smiled, he laughed and we all felt utterly happy. 

So what else can i say, just that Life is good. Thanks for everything that i am. And thanks for accepting me as i am. You didn't mean to me this much without a reason. Yes i mean you, you !

Mumbling me.

There are some days when you just look outside window, see some long lying dried yellow-brown leaves flying in a gust of wind and your mind just goes up, up and up.

You wonder what you are doing with your life, what you really want to do with your life. You sip some warm green tea from your mug and see the rays of sun severing through tree branches.

A dog walking on a street and a person trying to make up to him chained with the dog.

Birds are chirping, playing, flying.

And you sit there with that pen in your hand.

Don't know how long it had been.

You don't need to know.

Mystery Land

Sometimes it is not a topic you want to write about, it is just a strong feeling from within that you want to write, you want to share...no matter what.

And whenever i write, I am not trying to write something amazing or something different, i am just trying to freeze this moment, so that i can re-live it here in my words whenever i wish.

It is annoying when people try to judge you from what you write and sometimes all they do is sneaking trying to keep count of your life, but same time trying not to acknowledge it.

Then one day there comes a remark, ohhh ya THAT, right?  Read on your blog. But you never leave your foot-print or thoughts for me to ponder upon!

They come, they read, they ponder upon it and leave.

And sometimes you hear on your back, Ohh what's so great about her writing!

Anyone can write such things.

I know.

I agree.

I am what i feel.

I am what i write.

I write what i feel.

I might not be an excellent writer but i want to remember how these wonderful moments of my life made me feel. So there.

Anyway on a side note, on this side of planet, it is a nice pleasant day today. Days are getting longer, today was a bright sunny morning, still cold but good day.

We visited one of our friends this weekend, and they have a daughter almost same age as lil Bun. It is really interesting to see how they try to interact. It is also amazing that gender specific behaviors and interests they display from such an early age. A way before they might know difference of  girl and boy.

These babies are so cute, at times behaves like little devils and yet cute!

On person front, I have been going through mixed emotions lately, mainly my hormones i guess.

When i see lil Bun i feel extremely happy, when i put him to bed and bid a good night, i feel my heart crying. I do not know why!

May be 'coz i already miss him!

Or may be i just feel sad that i have to stay away from him for so much of time! But that is life.

So tell me about you, how have you been?

Being a mom !

I have been busy again, for well known reasons!

If I have to summarize this new experience or new phase of life in a few words i would say "you can never IMAGINE the life, emotions and love you experience with a baby in your life, you only know when you have one."

I often heard that you cannot imagine your life with a baby until you have one and you cannot imagine your life without  them once you have them. Now i know better what it meant. 

Aaah and now that i am back to work talking in language of Projects - This will be the most difficult, most challenging and most satisfying project you will ever handle, if you manage this project well, there won't be any other project in the world which you cannot manage! 

We have evolved from what we were last year. We thought we had it all figured out, we knew what it means to love someone, to care for someone but as soon as our Little Bunny arrived in our lives it all seemed naive.

We always liked babies but it is different when it is your own. You know their flaws and still you cannot help being blind and behaving as they rightly say for parents the most perfect and beautiful baby in the world is their own. 

I didn't know i was capable of loving someone with any more intensity than i already did. However that feeling didn't come over the night.  

For Ashu, it was a love at first sight, i saw it in his eyes when he saw our lil Bun for the first time in operation room and he went speechless. He stood there staring at him murmuring something like Lopa you should see this; it is the most incredible thing and the most beautiful baby!

I was more like yes we have a baby and it took me some time to sink it in that this little baby was really inside me all this time. I even missed him in my belly whenever i touched it and i didn't get a kick back in response!

As days passed, i could feel the emotions building up (which might be hormones actually!) and the love. 

Now that i am back at work there stands my insecurities about leaving him at day care, about not being able to spend enough time with him and then losing sleep on what if he wouldn't recognize me as his mom as he hardly sees me during whole day!

I know i shouldn't worry and it all falls in place, but now i can see how motherhood and worrying over small things go hand in hand. Now i understand better why our mom's always keep worrying about us.

Yup, i have it all figured out.... They are side-effects of being a mom!

Learning... looking back at life.

There are all kinds of people in the world and everyone provokes some kind of thoughts and emotions inside you. Well some can be not-so-thought-provoking as well! hehe

Some times i see some people, and you can see that they just assume superiority. Sometimes may be based on how they grew up, or sometimes from which part of world they come from, sometimes how well they did in school and that sometimes list goes on.

How you have been brought up plays very important role ofcourse, sometimes you get things you never had or imagined in life before and so when you face them it gets overwhelming. That time the values you held comes handy to help you keep your feet firm rooted.

When I was dwelling on these thoughts it reminded me of my own experiences. If it wasn't for all the experiences in life, we would be still those frogs in the well. It was an experience to study in India, (as it would be anywhere in the world) and fun as well.

When we were in engineering college and did any fun/ mischievous things students will do in that age, our professors kept reminding us "you are engineers and this is not how you behave" so it kept coming to that you are suppose to be this or that way. When you keep listening that all the time directly or indirectly it trains mind to think ohh we are some great species, more intelligent, superior to others!!

I remember our head of the department telling us "if this is how you wanted to behave, you are at a wrong college, better go and join adjoining college." (That happened to be “just” an arts and commerce college)

Time flew and we all graduated, proud to be engineers. Some decided to start their professional lives and some decided to study further.

I took up MBA; it was a batch with maximum number of engineers. Initially as the year progressed the class seemed to be split in those groups according to educational backgrounds. Engineers thought that they were superiors and will remain together in a group and Commerce guys used to think they were some egoistic creatures suffering from superiority complex. By the way this also was no good as now we were always reminded that “you are going to be future managers, this is not how you behave” or simply “maintain the decorum of XYZ School”.

But this time our own experience helped us. As soon as first semester was in full fledge with all blend of different subject the differences within started to fad away.

Engineers started having difficulties with accounts and Commerce guys with subjects related to Operations and Production Management etc.

They started helping each other. Engineers realized they are not superior when they couldn't answer all the questions asked in economics and accounting. As time passed both learned, both helped each other and it blended so nicely. And when one enters the professional life, there is no way to survive is you close yourself in the shell of superiority. Those experience taught this very important lesson of life that every one is special, everyone knows something that you can learn from.

Lesson which is still helping me and may be most important one to survive and live happily in today's world.

Being jealous or just staying aloof in your complex whether superiority on inferiority won't help, but learning from others and enhancing yourself will.

slow, fast, bye, welcome...

Some times we take things slow, not because we want to !

Some times we want to take things slow, not because we have to !

2012 is here and 2011 could not have been any faster, at least for us !

May be because it felt as if we were vacationing almost most of the time, may be because 2011 was par above expectations, May be as most of the wishes from 2011 got fulfilled even though it meant looking to fly from that cliff of bankruptcy ! Well in that case 2012 will be slow, not because we want to, but may be because falling from that cliff forces us to.

Good thing is the project which kept me very busy last year is finally done. So i am hoping from 2012 that this year will let me keep more account of my life expressing it in words and sharing, the way i liked it. Ofcourse conditions apply, which might be that our personal project doesn't keep us very busy.

But we will see.

For time being, all i have to say is...... 2012 bring it on, i cannot be more happy to embrace you :)

It might be late, but it is never too late and it is better to be late than never so here i am wishing you all a very happy and successful 2012. Have a good time, and you will if you truly follow what your hearts.

For now, bye till the next time.

Picture: Welcoming 2012 in Paris.

Yes, got it right.... that was me jumping on the car at midnight.

Sunrise, Sunset, and Life Forever…

When it's pouring outside and i look at that misty glass, trying to figure out what lies beyond, i often go to that Zen moment, where nothing matters and still everything matters.

I stare at the open space, i stare at the sky and then i stare at the computer screen with my finger automatically clicking to open facebook.

I see an update from one of those happy teenagers with "Friends Forever" and i wonder when did i stopped uploading them, why doesn't it feel relevant anymore, why does it feel funny at times now?

May be as i grew up to know we are still friends and we know it is not because we promised to remain "Friends Forever"!

We have one life and it can be as simple as a line drawn on the black board and still it ends up feeling complicated like a painting by toddler, you think it means something but when asked he will only surprise you with what it is supposed to mean!

You think you are in peace with yourself, with your life but often you think that way is not enough for that to last.

One life... and still why should it take us so long to figure it out, to figure ourselves, and sometimes even that does not happen..

And yes relationships.... that make life so interesting.

They make you feel loved, they make you feel drowned, they make you feel useless, they make you feel hated, they make you feel pampered and they can even make you feel like living forever or may be never!

Why do we loose friends?

Why do we fall in love?

Why do we fight with the ones we love?

Why do people break our hearts?

Why relations which don’t matter makes us cry?

Why do we have to pretend at times?

Why do we feel the need to run away some times?

Why do some plans never see the sunlight?

And why do the unplanned take the flight?

May be that's what the LIFE is all about.

Sometimes i am so clueless, and sometimes i know exactly what i want. Sometimes i am so powerless, and sometimes i just go and get what i want.

Sometimes i can see life from outside, just like i am watching a movie. So detached and still attached.

Sometimes i feel i should just live and not think too much... but then would i be machine and not human?

So then i just walk, walk, walk... let the breeze hit my face, listen to my favorite songs, I can't think of anything, and still it feels good living that moment, setting my heart free, not caring what others may feel when they look at you and I can actually feel my heart beating....

May be it's a part and parcel of being a human to be over analytical, or may be it's just a girl thing. Or may be it's just me thing !

Sometimes i think may be i can just turn to Sweets, chocolates..... And may be that was the right answer to all the questions.

And then i feel what ever be the reason for this spring in the summer.... we should just go with the flow... enjoy the rain, enjoy the few sun rays here & there and look at the beautiful changing sky ... one moment flooded with warm sun rays, next race of clouds and magical dance of colors when sun makes love with the clouds!

Life is beautiful.

And Life is complex.

But Life must go one, and it goes on.