Can Dreams be Real ? Part # 3

Life is really expecting the unexpected. And full of Déjà vu moments.

Remember how i wrote about, "Can dreams be real?  Part # 1, Part #2 ".

I came face-to-face with similar dilemma recently.

Last week i had a dream, about a friend that she is expecting. Strangely this is the second time that i dreamed about her, first time was last year when it wasn't true and still i couldn't shrug off strong feeling of a need to talk to her even when we were scheduled to meet in two days, during the weekend. I felt even stranger because i have never dreamed about any of my other friends in a similar fashion. (My friend at work whom i mentioned in "Can dreams be real", she even asked me a few times if i had similar dreams about her as she had for me, and it was sad to deny every time !)

So you see it was unusually unusual situation for me. When i couldn't control my curiosity any longer and didn't see her online, i ended up texting her and when reply didn't come immediately, suddenly i was as sure as one ever could be that it is true. So second text sent "is it true?”

A bit heated reply came on the line of why couples who've turned parents take it up as their sole responsibility to get everyone to join their club.... a few more texts exchanged and left me feeling uneasy, even a bit guilty...more so because i consciously try never to ask anyone such question and more never to interfere in anyone's life. Their lives, their decisions. So i felt a bit of miserable seeing what i just did!

I also felt uncomfortable thinking we were meeting in two days and i hurt us, not a very nice situation when you were looking forward to catch up with good old friend.

Anyway 2 days passed and we stood at their door. I see her and first thing i think is she can totally be pregnant.

I kept mum not to hurt her feelings again. But i can't take my eyes off her; sure her belly looks different from under that top she is wearing, that cannot be just fat and even her breasts look full.

A feeling of embarrassed rushed to my mind that i couldn't stop noticing things. I again felt the urge to tell her but then i looked at mobile in my hand, remembered our last exchange and kept mum.

Now i know very well that how much this dear friend of mine loves drinks, especially when with friends and for the first time i see her opting for a cola while people around her were having Mojitos. We waited her to join us for cheers and she ran to toilet! Even when we shouted areeeee, wait... first come do cheers then go. But she didn't stop.

When she came back and joined us with her drink, i couldn't control any longer and i had to say it - Why are you drinking cola? 

And she went all on how she had a heavy lunch which is giving her troubles and she feels constipated and needs some relief.

I didn't believe it, but was there a point to keep asking same question again and again? You cannot force it on people, right?

So we talked about things in general and waited for our other friends to arrive and join us.

When our other friends arrived and we were standing in balcony talking, i see them. Both of them, couple, making eye contacts and talking in signs. Next moment they were gone, inside. Again what can you do than to ignore? So i decided to ignore. Again.

Next they appeared was with changed cloths. And before the guy finishes we have news to share, i was hugging her congratulating!

I felt funny that i was so confident that i congratulated even without them mentioning and without listening what were the good news while others were still struggling to find out what was it and what was written on their t-shirts!!!

What if i was wrong? 

That will be dying with an embarrassment.

But well, i didn't die. I am still alive.

It was only after almost 5-10 mins that everyone were done hugging everyone congratulating and the news was settled in minds that i noticed what their changed T-shirts read, "Mum to-be" and "Pa to-be" !

Pheeeew!!

Congratulations my dear friends. Wish you a very Happy and Healthy pregnancy ahead and lovely parenthood in time to come.

God Bless.

P.S. I have intentionally kept away the identity/ names of my friends.

As much as we are excited for them, i cannot steal their happy moments to convey the news to the world. And they will as and when they are ready.

Lil Bun's Diary # 3, Small Wonders !

I keep trying to remember that i need to document small things that lil Bun surprises us with, but somehow time just runs short.  But here i am trying to do so once again.

Lil Bun has become so active now a days that keeps us on toes all the time.`

He wants to run all the time, as soon as we enter the house he runs towards us, holds our finger and pulls us outside door, yes it's time to go out. Wouldn't budge from his stand until we take him out. He loves to walk. We get tired but he keep going on.

Lil Bun surprised me the other day, he spotted a small piece of polythene, picked up the junk and before we wonder what he was upto and before i say don't try to put that in mouth he was standing there beside garbage bin, trying to open it so that he can throw it in that. Respect !!

He tries to mimic us. He sees me combing my hair, he takes comb from me and tries to comb his own hair. I brush his teeth, then he wants to brush mine. I feed him with spoon, he wants to feed me back. I dry his face with towel, then he smiles and takes towel from my hand to dry my face with it. It's like a game. Fun.

We didn't give him chocolates, sweets, cakes until he turned one, then we though he can taste it now. Initially he didn't like it that much, may be he didn't have a taste for it yet. And then to our surprise suddenly he loves it now!!!

He knows where the chocolates are, the other day he climbed the couch and reached it. Opened the wrapper (as good as he could ofcourse, half torn kind) and ate it. When I spotted him and went to him, before i ask what he was upto he bribed mom with a bite of chocolate. hmm. Trouble.

Last weekend we been to a birthday party in a park. It was so much fun. Open space, good weather...lots of kids around. Lil Bun had fun running around, playing with ball. He loves playing with ball, any kind football, volleyball, tennis ball...anything which rolls really. He automatically gets pulled towards them, and so proud his dad is seeing him playing with football. Ofcourse why wouldn't he be, his son living his dream !  

Lil Bun having fun.

So that's our lives....life is busy, and life is fun, that's life as it goes on...

Hi Five.

As you know (because i mentioned in my last post !?!?), we celebrated 5 years of marital bliss this weekend. God time flies and thing is that it doesn't look like...it feels like it was just yesterday! It was funny to remember whole week what were we doing that time exactly 5 years back.

I could remember, aaah i was putting henna at this time and aah you were doing your last minute shopping for shoes! Good old memories.

What we wanted to do for celebrating 5 years was to get married again, with each other. But it didn't happen. So we live with our first marriage, with each other.

On a serious note, nothing much really as our lil Bun was sick last week. He was all good, playing happily when my sister was here. And same night that she went back he felt warm. I ignored it thinking it might be just a bit warm. Then as the day progressed i got a call at work that he is sick with high fevers. I went home, gave him paracetamol and came back to work thinking that should work. But it didn't. Another call and we were running home. We took him to hospital, which served as only to console ourselves.

Next day same, i left from work mid-day after a phone call on his condition and ended up staying home with him rest of the week. 

You can call it a coincidence and i think it as our anniversary gift that he didn't have fever that night and he managed to play whole day so we could go out for an anniversary dinner.

As we had been thinking about all the restaurants, our usual, and how boring it is becoming with lack of novelty; we decided to try a new restaurant. And it was a good change; only that their two vegetarian dishes named differently but ended up looking the same. On name of sautéed vegetables they had only choisam. So two plates full of them, (aaah that reminds me of writing a review for this restaurant before i forget about it) but thing is it actually tasted good. So no complains. Their starters were delicious and sauce accompanying was really spicy, yes spicy even for me who loves spicy food! We ended dinner selecting a surprise dessert, which was good as well. Some stuffed dumplings with rice flours, accompanied by coconut sauce and fresh fruits. 

There was one more thing on the menu that brought us smiles and cheered us up more. 

A cocktail.

And it was called "Hot Mama" ;-)

Certainly made this new mama feel hot ;-)

P.S. As some of you might be wondering about that cocktail, on menu it read "Mix van cachacha, limoen, verse gember en spaanse pepers voor een verassende bite." 

(Translation: Mix of cachacha, lime, fresh ginger and chilies for a surprising bite. However i think Cachacha should be "Cachaça" but whatever!)

Mumbling me.

There are some days when you just look outside window, see some long lying dried yellow-brown leaves flying in a gust of wind and your mind just goes up, up and up.

You wonder what you are doing with your life, what you really want to do with your life. You sip some warm green tea from your mug and see the rays of sun severing through tree branches.

A dog walking on a street and a person trying to make up to him chained with the dog.

Birds are chirping, playing, flying.

And you sit there with that pen in your hand.

Don't know how long it had been.

You don't need to know.

Mystery Land

Sometimes it is not a topic you want to write about, it is just a strong feeling from within that you want to write, you want to share...no matter what.

And whenever i write, I am not trying to write something amazing or something different, i am just trying to freeze this moment, so that i can re-live it here in my words whenever i wish.

It is annoying when people try to judge you from what you write and sometimes all they do is sneaking trying to keep count of your life, but same time trying not to acknowledge it.

Then one day there comes a remark, ohhh ya THAT, right?  Read on your blog. But you never leave your foot-print or thoughts for me to ponder upon!

They come, they read, they ponder upon it and leave.

And sometimes you hear on your back, Ohh what's so great about her writing!

Anyone can write such things.

I know.

I agree.

I am what i feel.

I am what i write.

I write what i feel.

I might not be an excellent writer but i want to remember how these wonderful moments of my life made me feel. So there.

Anyway on a side note, on this side of planet, it is a nice pleasant day today. Days are getting longer, today was a bright sunny morning, still cold but good day.

We visited one of our friends this weekend, and they have a daughter almost same age as lil Bun. It is really interesting to see how they try to interact. It is also amazing that gender specific behaviors and interests they display from such an early age. A way before they might know difference of  girl and boy.

These babies are so cute, at times behaves like little devils and yet cute!

On person front, I have been going through mixed emotions lately, mainly my hormones i guess.

When i see lil Bun i feel extremely happy, when i put him to bed and bid a good night, i feel my heart crying. I do not know why!

May be 'coz i already miss him!

Or may be i just feel sad that i have to stay away from him for so much of time! But that is life.

So tell me about you, how have you been?

Lil Bun's Diary # 2, Being Naughty !

There is no formula or date on how and when these little bunnies become little monkeys.

I had a surprise in store this weekend, a shock that this little man can think ahead and can infer the implications.

Our lil Bun has always been fond of greens, not to eat but to hold, break and play with. When he was a little baby, he will be fascinated with plants and leaves and will try to catch it every time we pass by with him in hand.

Now he runs in his walker and crawls on his legs/ feet, he got more freedom to explore so what else can he ask for!

Yesterday i was in the kitchen and as i needed to do something, i put him in his walker for those few minutes. Then suddenly i notice there is no running around, crashing in furniture sound. Everything went quiet (like in those suspense movies before a big wooooosh).

I called his name and no response. 

I walk out of kitchen looking for him and what do i see, he is hiding in a passage. As I walk further near to him I see he is actually eating a leave from the plant standing there quietly. 

Me: Hey what are you doing here??? 

He looks up at me, a naughty smile appears on his face and next moment he starts running... not towards me but in the opposite direction so that mummy can't catch him!

I was amazed, surprised, puzzled all at the same time! 

How did he know that he can hide and do things we say not to do?

When i approached he inferred that he needs to run away if he wanted to keep eating that leaf in his hand!

And he didn't forget to pass me on that heart-melting sweet naughty smile, after which mummy can only smile and can't be angry on lil Bun!

Ohh boy!

Really?

My lil Bun is growing and growing naughtier!

Lil Bun is now 8 and 1/2 months old.

Lil Bun's Diary # 1, Being Smart !

My lil Bun is becoming smarter day by day (which he should as he grows otherwise this mamma will be worried). 
He can crawl now, mimics dadddieee apart from his usual bababa dadadada gaga papapa (but no maa or mama or mamma...sob sob), stands up holding on corners of whatever height he can get hold of and what not. (i know i will find out soon on that what not !) 

Anyway so now with this active Lil Bun, we finally lowered his bed to be on safer side last week. But before we did it, i let him play, sit, stand in his bed (of course under my supervision) and happy he was! He could hold on his bed, stand and look outside window, how nice! 

We still need to buy those safety gates for stairs though, soon...soon.

Yesterday i entered the home after work and he was playing in the hall. He saw me, smiled and immediately started running crawling towards me. You would have seen his speed and his face full of excitement and smiles. These are the moments that makes me feel loved, blessed and worth all the pains of parenting if there are any. touchwood.

He is growing up so fast, some things he does really surprises me. I was amazed this weekend when skypeing with my parents. He wanted to get hold of laptop so that he can press some keys and can shut it close and then open ( his favorite pass time now a days with doors, windows or anything which can be opened and closed).

I kept moving laptop out of his reach. He would crawl, reach there and extend his hands and just then i will pick it up and put it in other direction for him to crawl back.
After a few times he got tired, sat there, thought something and then showed disinterested in laptop. Then a moment later he targeted something which was lying near laptop. While crawling there not even once he looked at laptop and kept his eyes focused. Then he reaches there, looks up, takes a quick turn, smiles and jumps on laptop (must be thinking gottcha). Aaah smart.

But i am his mom. I knew it better; it was gone from there already. Huh.

Gosh, kids these days are smart!

Lil Bun is now 8 Months, 2 weeks.

Time flies, Lil Bun flies !

Now that I started writing, all i want to do is write, write, write. 
I realized that these days are too important and they are just flying away without me locking some feelings into words! 

While we are on "Flying", it reminds me of our little Bun's first flight to be; yes yes yes he is going to fly... 
... What can be nicer than flying for the first time to meet his big Indian family ! 
     ... Lil Bun is 6 months now; everyone has been longing to see him & hug him !!
          ... He will be attending a wedding for the first time, a big fat Indian wedding !!!

All smiles :o)

It's not like he didn't have any vacations so far, he had since he was just a few weeks old (his first international getaway was nearby, to Antwerp, when he turned one month old ! )but we kept it on ground TILL NOW. 
Mainly because it has been a fight to sort out all legal documents for our lil Bun so that he can travel. 
Passport took ages due to some birth certificate error which they would not inform us until we put it in for speed up after waiting for more than 3 months. But atleast then it went fast. In a week passport was ready, next week we applied for his visa/ residence permit and now it is ready in-time for us to make it to India !

We don't know about him but we are excited and at the same time overwhelmed thinking about everything and everyone together. 

I will be meeting my brother-in-law and sister-in-law first time after our wedding ! Now that is something. 
I will be seeing my 3.5 years old nephew for the first time! 
I will be meeting new generation generation babies from old friends !!
And hopefully we will catch up with some good comfort food that we have been missing over here, if our stomach allows! 

We do not know how it will be, how lil Bun will be, how will we manage and how much will he enjoy. But he will see, he will experience, he will learn and he will grow. We think.

Bun got a bug !

Our little Bunny has been unwell lately, it is so difficult to see your little one suffer. They cannot express and you cannot make out what their cries mean.

And then to add in you get bombarded with hundreds of advises and being first time parents it only makes you more confused (i bet it will be the same for second time parents as well, just they may be able to act a bit stronger ).

When he first threw up i was filled with guilt as it happened after i let him taste a grape.  He had been eyeing while i was munching them. When he picked one up one and tried to taste it, i couldn't say no and instead helped him cutting it in a small piece. 

I loved him making faces as he tasted it for the first time, as juice oozed out from a grape. And then he gulped it, my mind raced on what was i suppose to do in the case he chocked up. But he managed to take it out on his own and very next moment a burping sound and all milk came out with a piece of grape. Another burping sound and a bigger threw up covered couch and my jeans. Cleaned him and thought it might be just his chocking reflexes which made him threw up.

After a while i prepared him his potato for dinner. He ate happily.

Then came time to go to bed and a bath before that. I gave him light exercise after short massage.  He didn't seem much in a mood so tried to make him smile. As i took him in my hand and carried towards bath, here comes a burp and before i realise i was covered in potato !

Again i blamed it on not having long time before dinner and massage / exercise.

I put him to bed and when we checked on him before going to bed there he was covered in wet clothes, seems he threw up in his sleep. Again cleaned him and as he woke up in the process put him on bed between us for until he feels sleepy again. Soon enough he was going back to sleep.  I decided to give him some milk to keep hi hydrated, he has been vomiting everything he has since evening.

I switched off the lights for him to drift off in sleep, and then i hear a burp. I switched on lights and next i see him throwing out in his sleep. Again took him off bed. cleaned him, cleaned bed and changed bedsheets.  Decided not to leave him alone in his room as he didn't seem fine. Put him in cradle beside our bed and same thing again, he threw up again. 

Now it is not that he was never unwell, he has been having his share of those  cold, runny nose moments but this was different. 
This was not coincidence but it was official that our little Bunny was sick.

SICK FOR THE FIRST TIME !!! 

(Well that is also a milestone, now he can only get stronger !)

Anyway but it didn't help my guilt which started to build up, can it be as i let him taste a grape, or to be precise a fraction of a grape?

Called the Google God and it says 8-10 months so it is early, some more guilt. 

Then followed doctor visits, (who by the way didn't react to my grape story ) making him to have diluted milk in small amount every 15 mins. It was difficult to give him small quantities as he seemed hungry at times and wouldn't want to give up on bottle and then try again in a few mins when he wouldn't want to have a bottle. Battle to keep him hydrated started. 

By the evening he started feeling warm, first check 38.4 degrees. That didn't make us worry thinking that can be as he is not feeling at his best. After two hours 39.2 degrees and then it made us worry. Gave him bath to bring the fever down, we managed to get him at 38.9 and it stayed so till next day. More doctor visits, more advises. More prescription, more diarrhea. That's how went our next few days.

So now i think that was some virus he picked up from day care or by the way he has been putting everything in his mouth lately.

Just when we were happy on how good he was doing, how good he was sleeping, we are back to sleepless nights. 

It seems he is getting better though, (better with fever, vomiting,  not better with back-to-normal sleeping patterns...sigh ! ) almost back to his normal diet. Also started back with fruit purees on name of solids. Diarrhea still there but atleast it is getting better. 

And now suddenly there appears red cheeks out of no where.

Is it an ear infection?

Is it a sign he is teething?

Is it a slapped Cheek disease?

And there starts a wondering cycle. Again.

He is 4 Months Already !

He is 4 months old already, Okay 4 months and 4 days to be precise. 

Time does fly !

At times, he looks clueless and blank, and then comes a moment when he is as engaging as ever. That might leave us in confusion but then there are some moments which makes us feel he does understand more than what we think they might be.

How else comes that heart-melting smile when we wish him good morning before picking him up in the morning?

How else he holds our hand so tight while going to sleep at night and even keeps checking if we are still there in between slipping in sound sleep?

How else he looks at us at the end of the room when we call him?

He might be just 4 months old, but when we look at him it sure feels like he has been in our lives for longer.

He might not know meaning of mummy and papa, but he does seem to be understanding difference between people he lives with, people he knows and people he doesn't know.

We thought he was not choosy of the company he keeps but he surprised us the day he turned 4 months old, but showing clear preferences on how he knows who is carrying him.

He started rolling over quite early, before he turned 3 months and really enjoys the view of world around him that way. 

We are trying to keep him away from watching TV atleast till he is a few months old, but as soon as he hears TV he will turn to watch it at 180  degree angle, leaving us no other option but to restrain ourselves from TV while he is awake. 

Same with Mac, when we bring him to chat with his grandparents, uncle and aunt on skype, he will go quiet and will just stare at screen. After a while he will get bored and start looking out of window ! No show off of the recent acquired skills for anyone...hmm.

So it is only for people who live with him to see that now he can hold things, he can aim for the toys hanging over his head, pull them, and bring anything he gets hold of to his mouth.

He even holds his bottle himself, and really shouts hard when he keeps pushing it out of his mouth instead in his excited mood and we try to help him keep it there. He wants to do so many things all at the same time and is too distracted to concentrate on any one thing.

He tries to imitate speech sounds when we talk with him but then later end up just shouting on his own, getting over-excited !

He laughs like anything, can do yoga by trying to perform Chakrasana, Halasana, Janusirsasana, Paścimottānāsana ... aah and not to forget Śavāsana ofcourse when he sleeps !

Wait Bun. is calling me.

Yes dear?

Mom, Is there any asana where you put your feet in your mouth, i have been doing that as well right?

Bun. darling, this is mom's blog and she writes (???) here so better you have your own blog for all the questions and things you want to say, ask and write.

Okay mom, wait and watch then... i will have my own diary and i will not let you even read it.

Arrrm, ummm. hmmm. 

Kids. :/

Haha, so that is all of him for now. 

With his mumma, me, things are going alright as well. Settled back in work-home routine. 
Also trying to revive my cooking blog, now that i am back to cook more regularly after mom went back India, let's see how well it  goes.

Good to be back doing so many things i enjoy and to be back to blogging. :-)

Being a mom !

I have been busy again, for well known reasons!

If I have to summarize this new experience or new phase of life in a few words i would say "you can never IMAGINE the life, emotions and love you experience with a baby in your life, you only know when you have one."

I often heard that you cannot imagine your life with a baby until you have one and you cannot imagine your life without  them once you have them. Now i know better what it meant. 

Aaah and now that i am back to work talking in language of Projects - This will be the most difficult, most challenging and most satisfying project you will ever handle, if you manage this project well, there won't be any other project in the world which you cannot manage! 

We have evolved from what we were last year. We thought we had it all figured out, we knew what it means to love someone, to care for someone but as soon as our Little Bunny arrived in our lives it all seemed naive.

We always liked babies but it is different when it is your own. You know their flaws and still you cannot help being blind and behaving as they rightly say for parents the most perfect and beautiful baby in the world is their own. 

I didn't know i was capable of loving someone with any more intensity than i already did. However that feeling didn't come over the night.  

For Ashu, it was a love at first sight, i saw it in his eyes when he saw our lil Bun for the first time in operation room and he went speechless. He stood there staring at him murmuring something like Lopa you should see this; it is the most incredible thing and the most beautiful baby!

I was more like yes we have a baby and it took me some time to sink it in that this little baby was really inside me all this time. I even missed him in my belly whenever i touched it and i didn't get a kick back in response!

As days passed, i could feel the emotions building up (which might be hormones actually!) and the love. 

Now that i am back at work there stands my insecurities about leaving him at day care, about not being able to spend enough time with him and then losing sleep on what if he wouldn't recognize me as his mom as he hardly sees me during whole day!

I know i shouldn't worry and it all falls in place, but now i can see how motherhood and worrying over small things go hand in hand. Now i understand better why our mom's always keep worrying about us.

Yup, i have it all figured out.... They are side-effects of being a mom!

And he is here...

 He is here, Finally !! 

After 3 sleepless days and nights, and too many paracetamols to help me catch up some sleep, it all failed.

We ended up in hospital being induced. 

Epidural didn't work first time, so after an hour it was removed to try it again second time but this time also it worked only on right side and not on left.

After painful hours of waiting, epidural wore off (which was not much effective anyway ), greenish amniotic fluid, not much progress even after IV, contractions one mins apart, it was decided to wait till midnight and make a decision based on progress as it was not advisable to go like that next day. 

At midnight doctor decided to go for a c-section looking at not much progress.

Our Little Bunny was here on 23rd May 2012, 1:30 am. 

Weighted 3.45 kgs, Length 50cms.

We stayed in hospital for 3 days, during which lil Bun met with his first accident when his changing table came off the wall while his papa was changing his diaper with nurse's assistance  Luckily lil Bun. fell off on his papa's legs and didn't have any injury but it was traumatic at first. (Almost all staff came and apologized , it was ok when he was not hurt but what if he was ! ). 

Anyway all those pains are left behind and we are home now. 

We are busy adjusting with new schedules and doing better day by day.

Thank you all for checking on us and sending wishes our ways. 

With this update, template of this Blog comes full circle. It's been a journey, and a journey i wouldn't want anything to change from it !

Little Bunny Welcome on our Blog.  Hope you will enjoy it as much as your mummy n papa do.

We are expecting...!

After family it was time to inform friends and colleagues. I informed my boss straight away so that he knows reasons for me feeling sick. 

More than me Suz was curious on when do i tell other colleagues, she kept asking me when will i as she wanted her dream to be true in a real sense that i inform the news and she can hug me openly showing how happy she felt ! 

We decided on informing everyone after our first ultrasound so that we know everything is well and good. I had my first ultrasound at 11 weeks and i informed to my department colleagues the very same day, more because Suz was getting impatient! hehe

Next week we invited some of the friends at our home and i baked a cake specially to announce the news to them.

Ashu went by saying "We are going to have a new member in our group; only thing is there will be a big age difference / generation gap". And then we presented the cake which read "We are expecting !!

Dream which came true...

After the big news for us, it was time to pass on the same to our families. I was so confused and felt so unprepared on how to unfold it to everyone. Also we wanted to wait till the confirmation with doctor before we tell anyone. It was not that difficult to wait as we had already plans of flying over to Milan for a long weekend.

We were hoping for some nice shopping time and good Italian food, well the trip didn't turn out exactly what we expected, atleast for me. The morning sickness / nausea suddenly kicked in making me feeling sick almost all the time while there. All i wanted to do was to sleep as i felt tired and exhausted.

I couldn't eat anything as suddenly i developed aversion towards tomato and cheese, and if you know Italian cooking it is difficult not to have them especially with me being vegetarian.

We did manage some shopping and walking around the street. And i enjoyed Italian ice-cream, so yummy!

But you know somehow you start relating things with the state of mind you were in at that particular moment, so till today all the dresses i wore while i was there just glimpse of them reminds me of nausea and how awful i felt. I haven't been able to wore any of those again (well, they don't fit me also anymore but still). 

By the way this is what we found while walking on the streets of Milan. Aaahn romantic Italians ! ;o)

Anyway we flew back, went to doctor, and got the confirmation but i was still confused as it was still based on the same pregnancy test i did back home. In India things work differently, it is common to have an ultrasound done on your first visit but here they didn't check anything, wishes us congratulations and passed on midwife references to select one from.

I made an appointment with midwife, and they don't give you appointment until you are 8 weeks along, so I was a bit more confused. How do I tell everyone without a proper check-up and confirmation!

First appointment came, and again nothing. As first appointment is suppose to be counseling one and then they don't check or do ultrasound. They wait until week 11-12 for the first ultrasound.

Now i was losing patience and we decided to start telling people around us anyway, if not all atleast we have to start with our families.

I decided to inform them by writing them.

I wrote letters to my parents, parents-in-laws, my brother, sister, and Ashu's brother.

Write up varied but basically it went with similar concept.

First page said “They said always be positive and you know what we got positive today?"

Then inside i stick a picture of positive pregnancy test result and it read, "Yes got it right, Congratulations to be grand parents!”

The one i wrote to my sister was different than those. She was getting married in January and teased me just a few weeks back that it will be so nice if you plan family now then when you come to wedding we have your shower function as well and i laughed it out saying it is too late for that to plan.

So she got the first ever letter from little one. I don't remember exact wording but it went something like this...

Page 1 Front:

"Hi,

I heard you are getting married in January, and you expressed a wish for me also to be present there.

Well I heard you and just wanted to know that I will be there to attend your wedding"

Page 2 Inside:

"Congratulations Masi" (Masi = maternal aunt)

I sent both letters for my brother and sister together and i asked him to video shoot her reaction when she reads it and to send me. Well he did what i asked. At first she read the first page and gave a confused look on what it is? And then as she read inside she just laughed and laughed for full 5 mins, before uttering a word. I do still have that video and i crack up every time i watch it!

Can Dreams be real? ( Part # 2)

After the negative test, somehow i could not accept that test result, though it was likely to be true. I checked the stick after 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 mins and then i threw it in dustbin.

At night after cleaning when i opened the dustbin to throw some more garbage, i saw a very light second line appearing on the pregnancy kit. I couldn't help checking it a few more times.

When we went to bed i could not fall asleep. To clear my mind I took my phone and started googling on accuracy of home pregnancy tests.

It read - good time for test is early morning with first urine. During the day time it is possible not to have accurate result. I decided to do the test again in the morning.

So far i hadn't told Ashu about the negative test or something. It wasn't that we were planning for sometime but still somehow i was so convinced that morning test will be positive and then i will tell him giving him a surprise. So now laying in bed my mind went journeying on how to tell him, what will he react? How shall i announce it to him? Finally i decided something and fall asleep.

In the morning i woke up early. Rushed to bathroom and took the test. I was so convinced already on the outcome, and it did come true to my expectations when i looked at the stick.

I ran upstairs to the study room.

Took a card paper (which i had bought thinking to create home-made cards, someday!), scribbled a few words with sketch pen.

Folded it and inside glued the stick with result. (Yes i did wash it before doing all this)

Then i took the paper, went to bedroom where Ashu's mobile was charging and placed it beneath his cell so he will read when he will go for his cell before leaving for office.

Then i continued with routine. Went for a shower. Ashu was in hurry to leave early for some morning meeting so we hardly talked.

I was upstairs ironing my dress when i heard him calling that he is leaving. I heard him going to charging point for cell.

Silence for a minute.

Then i heard him calling me...

Lopiiii...is this true?

In two minutes he was upstairs in ironing room running with that hand-written paper in his hand.

He looked at me. smiled.

"Really?"

"hmm"

He couldn't stop repeating it for a minute and then he hugged me tight, we stood there like that and we danced for a minute with our eyes wet :)

So that was the day we knew, we had our little one coming.

I took doctor appointment for next week, and then the wait started.

That was 22nd September 2011.

PS. I did tell Suz about my doctor appointment, and she couldn't be any more excited. She called me especially in the evening for confirmation after i returned from doctor! After all she was the only one who knew even before we knew!

Can Dreams be real? ( Part # 1)

It was month of September. I had been quite busy with a project at work past few months, doing overtime almost everyday. But it was about to get over as project Go-live date was approaching just in 2 weeks.

In laws had just gone back to India from a 10 weeks visit, it was just last 2 days or so i was not doing over-time and still i felt exhausted and tired. I thought it might be a break-down. My body has reached a point and cannot do anymore, this is what exhaustion is.

I was thinking this, sitting at my desk in the morning and a colleague came to me smiling. Let's call her Suz. She comes and tells me i had you in my dream yesterday.

Aaah, now that was a surprise.

So.... what was it about?

I had a dream that you are pregnant !

huh?

Yes, we were sitting here at my desk, you came there and were sitting in a chair next to me and then told me that you are pregnant. I was so happy, we hugged and i was telling you that i am so happy for you.

hehe that's funny :)

Is it true, are you?

No, i am not.

Ya it is weird that i had such a dream, else before this i never had a dream about you.

hmm ya, strange.

So we laughed a bit and got back to work.

In the evening, i was felling tired and could not take it anymore. So i informed in the office that i am leaving a bit early today.

Suz looked at me from behind her desktop and commented:

May be you are pregnant ! That's a sign. You feel tired when you are.

I laughed and left for home. While driving back home, i kept thinking whether it is possible.

I was late only by 2 days and that was normal considering all the stress at work. Whenever too stressed and exhausted i had been late even a week before. So there was nothing new in that.

But somehow i couldn't shrug the thoughts off.

I kept thinking if it was possible possible, to clear my mind i decided to take home pregnancy test.

I took the home pregnancy test as soon as i reached home and guess what?

It came Negative !!

So may be that was just a dream, and not all dreams are real !!

21st September 2011