Dream which came true...

After the big news for us, it was time to pass on the same to our families. I was so confused and felt so unprepared on how to unfold it to everyone. Also we wanted to wait till the confirmation with doctor before we tell anyone. It was not that difficult to wait as we had already plans of flying over to Milan for a long weekend.

We were hoping for some nice shopping time and good Italian food, well the trip didn't turn out exactly what we expected, atleast for me. The morning sickness / nausea suddenly kicked in making me feeling sick almost all the time while there. All i wanted to do was to sleep as i felt tired and exhausted.

I couldn't eat anything as suddenly i developed aversion towards tomato and cheese, and if you know Italian cooking it is difficult not to have them especially with me being vegetarian.

We did manage some shopping and walking around the street. And i enjoyed Italian ice-cream, so yummy!

But you know somehow you start relating things with the state of mind you were in at that particular moment, so till today all the dresses i wore while i was there just glimpse of them reminds me of nausea and how awful i felt. I haven't been able to wore any of those again (well, they don't fit me also anymore but still). 

By the way this is what we found while walking on the streets of Milan. Aaahn romantic Italians ! ;o)

Anyway we flew back, went to doctor, and got the confirmation but i was still confused as it was still based on the same pregnancy test i did back home. In India things work differently, it is common to have an ultrasound done on your first visit but here they didn't check anything, wishes us congratulations and passed on midwife references to select one from.

I made an appointment with midwife, and they don't give you appointment until you are 8 weeks along, so I was a bit more confused. How do I tell everyone without a proper check-up and confirmation!

First appointment came, and again nothing. As first appointment is suppose to be counseling one and then they don't check or do ultrasound. They wait until week 11-12 for the first ultrasound.

Now i was losing patience and we decided to start telling people around us anyway, if not all atleast we have to start with our families.

I decided to inform them by writing them.

I wrote letters to my parents, parents-in-laws, my brother, sister, and Ashu's brother.

Write up varied but basically it went with similar concept.

First page said “They said always be positive and you know what we got positive today?"

Then inside i stick a picture of positive pregnancy test result and it read, "Yes got it right, Congratulations to be grand parents!”

The one i wrote to my sister was different than those. She was getting married in January and teased me just a few weeks back that it will be so nice if you plan family now then when you come to wedding we have your shower function as well and i laughed it out saying it is too late for that to plan.

So she got the first ever letter from little one. I don't remember exact wording but it went something like this...

Page 1 Front:

"Hi,

I heard you are getting married in January, and you expressed a wish for me also to be present there.

Well I heard you and just wanted to know that I will be there to attend your wedding"

Page 2 Inside:

"Congratulations Masi" (Masi = maternal aunt)

I sent both letters for my brother and sister together and i asked him to video shoot her reaction when she reads it and to send me. Well he did what i asked. At first she read the first page and gave a confused look on what it is? And then as she read inside she just laughed and laughed for full 5 mins, before uttering a word. I do still have that video and i crack up every time i watch it!

Can Dreams be real? ( Part # 2)

After the negative test, somehow i could not accept that test result, though it was likely to be true. I checked the stick after 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 mins and then i threw it in dustbin.

At night after cleaning when i opened the dustbin to throw some more garbage, i saw a very light second line appearing on the pregnancy kit. I couldn't help checking it a few more times.

When we went to bed i could not fall asleep. To clear my mind I took my phone and started googling on accuracy of home pregnancy tests.

It read - good time for test is early morning with first urine. During the day time it is possible not to have accurate result. I decided to do the test again in the morning.

So far i hadn't told Ashu about the negative test or something. It wasn't that we were planning for sometime but still somehow i was so convinced that morning test will be positive and then i will tell him giving him a surprise. So now laying in bed my mind went journeying on how to tell him, what will he react? How shall i announce it to him? Finally i decided something and fall asleep.

In the morning i woke up early. Rushed to bathroom and took the test. I was so convinced already on the outcome, and it did come true to my expectations when i looked at the stick.

I ran upstairs to the study room.

Took a card paper (which i had bought thinking to create home-made cards, someday!), scribbled a few words with sketch pen.

Folded it and inside glued the stick with result. (Yes i did wash it before doing all this)

Then i took the paper, went to bedroom where Ashu's mobile was charging and placed it beneath his cell so he will read when he will go for his cell before leaving for office.

Then i continued with routine. Went for a shower. Ashu was in hurry to leave early for some morning meeting so we hardly talked.

I was upstairs ironing my dress when i heard him calling that he is leaving. I heard him going to charging point for cell.

Silence for a minute.

Then i heard him calling me...

Lopiiii...is this true?

In two minutes he was upstairs in ironing room running with that hand-written paper in his hand.

He looked at me. smiled.

"Really?"

"hmm"

He couldn't stop repeating it for a minute and then he hugged me tight, we stood there like that and we danced for a minute with our eyes wet :)

So that was the day we knew, we had our little one coming.

I took doctor appointment for next week, and then the wait started.

That was 22nd September 2011.

PS. I did tell Suz about my doctor appointment, and she couldn't be any more excited. She called me especially in the evening for confirmation after i returned from doctor! After all she was the only one who knew even before we knew!

Can Dreams be real? ( Part # 1)

It was month of September. I had been quite busy with a project at work past few months, doing overtime almost everyday. But it was about to get over as project Go-live date was approaching just in 2 weeks.

In laws had just gone back to India from a 10 weeks visit, it was just last 2 days or so i was not doing over-time and still i felt exhausted and tired. I thought it might be a break-down. My body has reached a point and cannot do anymore, this is what exhaustion is.

I was thinking this, sitting at my desk in the morning and a colleague came to me smiling. Let's call her Suz. She comes and tells me i had you in my dream yesterday.

Aaah, now that was a surprise.

So.... what was it about?

I had a dream that you are pregnant !

huh?

Yes, we were sitting here at my desk, you came there and were sitting in a chair next to me and then told me that you are pregnant. I was so happy, we hugged and i was telling you that i am so happy for you.

hehe that's funny :)

Is it true, are you?

No, i am not.

Ya it is weird that i had such a dream, else before this i never had a dream about you.

hmm ya, strange.

So we laughed a bit and got back to work.

In the evening, i was felling tired and could not take it anymore. So i informed in the office that i am leaving a bit early today.

Suz looked at me from behind her desktop and commented:

May be you are pregnant ! That's a sign. You feel tired when you are.

I laughed and left for home. While driving back home, i kept thinking whether it is possible.

I was late only by 2 days and that was normal considering all the stress at work. Whenever too stressed and exhausted i had been late even a week before. So there was nothing new in that.

But somehow i couldn't shrug the thoughts off.

I kept thinking if it was possible possible, to clear my mind i decided to take home pregnancy test.

I took the home pregnancy test as soon as i reached home and guess what?

It came Negative !!

So may be that was just a dream, and not all dreams are real !!

21st September 2011

Learning... looking back at life.

There are all kinds of people in the world and everyone provokes some kind of thoughts and emotions inside you. Well some can be not-so-thought-provoking as well! hehe

Some times i see some people, and you can see that they just assume superiority. Sometimes may be based on how they grew up, or sometimes from which part of world they come from, sometimes how well they did in school and that sometimes list goes on.

How you have been brought up plays very important role ofcourse, sometimes you get things you never had or imagined in life before and so when you face them it gets overwhelming. That time the values you held comes handy to help you keep your feet firm rooted.

When I was dwelling on these thoughts it reminded me of my own experiences. If it wasn't for all the experiences in life, we would be still those frogs in the well. It was an experience to study in India, (as it would be anywhere in the world) and fun as well.

When we were in engineering college and did any fun/ mischievous things students will do in that age, our professors kept reminding us "you are engineers and this is not how you behave" so it kept coming to that you are suppose to be this or that way. When you keep listening that all the time directly or indirectly it trains mind to think ohh we are some great species, more intelligent, superior to others!!

I remember our head of the department telling us "if this is how you wanted to behave, you are at a wrong college, better go and join adjoining college." (That happened to be “just” an arts and commerce college)

Time flew and we all graduated, proud to be engineers. Some decided to start their professional lives and some decided to study further.

I took up MBA; it was a batch with maximum number of engineers. Initially as the year progressed the class seemed to be split in those groups according to educational backgrounds. Engineers thought that they were superiors and will remain together in a group and Commerce guys used to think they were some egoistic creatures suffering from superiority complex. By the way this also was no good as now we were always reminded that “you are going to be future managers, this is not how you behave” or simply “maintain the decorum of XYZ School”.

But this time our own experience helped us. As soon as first semester was in full fledge with all blend of different subject the differences within started to fad away.

Engineers started having difficulties with accounts and Commerce guys with subjects related to Operations and Production Management etc.

They started helping each other. Engineers realized they are not superior when they couldn't answer all the questions asked in economics and accounting. As time passed both learned, both helped each other and it blended so nicely. And when one enters the professional life, there is no way to survive is you close yourself in the shell of superiority. Those experience taught this very important lesson of life that every one is special, everyone knows something that you can learn from.

Lesson which is still helping me and may be most important one to survive and live happily in today's world.

Being jealous or just staying aloof in your complex whether superiority on inferiority won't help, but learning from others and enhancing yourself will.

Cultural difference

An Asian woman and a Dutch man falls in love and gets married.

They are expecting their first baby.

When the due date comes, a beautiful baby girl is born and all are very excited.

When Asian mother sees her grandchild first time, she frowns.... "too little hair !?!?"

When Dutch mother sees her grandchild, she exclaims in excitement.... "wow so much hair !!!"

That my dear friends is also a type of "Cultural differences"!

Photo Courtsey: http://comps.canstockphoto.com/can-stock-photo_csp6118974.jpg

slow, fast, bye, welcome...

Some times we take things slow, not because we want to !

Some times we want to take things slow, not because we have to !

2012 is here and 2011 could not have been any faster, at least for us !

May be because it felt as if we were vacationing almost most of the time, may be because 2011 was par above expectations, May be as most of the wishes from 2011 got fulfilled even though it meant looking to fly from that cliff of bankruptcy ! Well in that case 2012 will be slow, not because we want to, but may be because falling from that cliff forces us to.

Good thing is the project which kept me very busy last year is finally done. So i am hoping from 2012 that this year will let me keep more account of my life expressing it in words and sharing, the way i liked it. Ofcourse conditions apply, which might be that our personal project doesn't keep us very busy.

But we will see.

For time being, all i have to say is...... 2012 bring it on, i cannot be more happy to embrace you :)

It might be late, but it is never too late and it is better to be late than never so here i am wishing you all a very happy and successful 2012. Have a good time, and you will if you truly follow what your hearts.

For now, bye till the next time.

Picture: Welcoming 2012 in Paris.

Yes, got it right.... that was me jumping on the car at midnight.

Sunrise, Sunset, and Life Forever…

When it's pouring outside and i look at that misty glass, trying to figure out what lies beyond, i often go to that Zen moment, where nothing matters and still everything matters.

I stare at the open space, i stare at the sky and then i stare at the computer screen with my finger automatically clicking to open facebook.

I see an update from one of those happy teenagers with "Friends Forever" and i wonder when did i stopped uploading them, why doesn't it feel relevant anymore, why does it feel funny at times now?

May be as i grew up to know we are still friends and we know it is not because we promised to remain "Friends Forever"!

We have one life and it can be as simple as a line drawn on the black board and still it ends up feeling complicated like a painting by toddler, you think it means something but when asked he will only surprise you with what it is supposed to mean!

You think you are in peace with yourself, with your life but often you think that way is not enough for that to last.

One life... and still why should it take us so long to figure it out, to figure ourselves, and sometimes even that does not happen..

And yes relationships.... that make life so interesting.

They make you feel loved, they make you feel drowned, they make you feel useless, they make you feel hated, they make you feel pampered and they can even make you feel like living forever or may be never!

Why do we loose friends?

Why do we fall in love?

Why do we fight with the ones we love?

Why do people break our hearts?

Why relations which don’t matter makes us cry?

Why do we have to pretend at times?

Why do we feel the need to run away some times?

Why do some plans never see the sunlight?

And why do the unplanned take the flight?

May be that's what the LIFE is all about.

Sometimes i am so clueless, and sometimes i know exactly what i want. Sometimes i am so powerless, and sometimes i just go and get what i want.

Sometimes i can see life from outside, just like i am watching a movie. So detached and still attached.

Sometimes i feel i should just live and not think too much... but then would i be machine and not human?

So then i just walk, walk, walk... let the breeze hit my face, listen to my favorite songs, I can't think of anything, and still it feels good living that moment, setting my heart free, not caring what others may feel when they look at you and I can actually feel my heart beating....

May be it's a part and parcel of being a human to be over analytical, or may be it's just a girl thing. Or may be it's just me thing !

Sometimes i think may be i can just turn to Sweets, chocolates..... And may be that was the right answer to all the questions.

And then i feel what ever be the reason for this spring in the summer.... we should just go with the flow... enjoy the rain, enjoy the few sun rays here & there and look at the beautiful changing sky ... one moment flooded with warm sun rays, next race of clouds and magical dance of colors when sun makes love with the clouds!

Life is beautiful.

And Life is complex.

But Life must go one, and it goes on.