A quick hello from a DizzyLand.

After my last post, i wanted to record how the actual flight went. But things haven't been that good lately, me being sick when we flew back and then Lil Bun being sick.

It feels like whole world has been up side down. Our lil Bun, who had been sleeping in his own room and bed from the birth, is not doing that more than half a night. First it was teething, waking him up crying at middle of night, and then it is fever and vomiting.

So with that after a few visits to his room, when our sleepy heads can take it no further, we just bring him with us to make it easy for us to keep a watch on him. 

I know that might not be the way it should be, but frankly i do not care. We co-slept with our parents till the time came when we fancied our own room with the interior the way we want, and we did turn out alright. 

Also i keep feeling i am going to miss these days soon when i can just snuggle him and shower him with kisses at my hearts content. Soon he will be running away saying mom, stop it. And soon he will want to go for night-over at his friends. So let me have him, let me enjoy him right now.

Ohh but that was not i was writing about, ya flight. Well while going, it made me cry, and while coming back i was sick and still we smiled!

So a vast vast vast difference. I had him in my hand for almost 10 hours, My hurting back couldn't take it any more,poor thing was tired than he had ever been before. So we both cried. At airport. I have never seen him crying that much ever before. I am happy it is over.

May be it was inconvenient flying hours and inexperienced we. Our first experience with him on a long flight and yet to learn how to handle him on trips. But we knew better while on the way back after being with him 24*7 for full 5 weeks. Also the flight was in the morning and hence better. He could sleep and was in a better mood. So that gives us enough courage to start getting back to our traveling spree and plan more vacations, only if out pocket allows! 

So let's see, what's in store for us. Something sweet, something breezy, something relaxing, something bright and sunny. Let's see.

Time flies, Lil Bun flies !

Now that I started writing, all i want to do is write, write, write. 
I realized that these days are too important and they are just flying away without me locking some feelings into words! 

While we are on "Flying", it reminds me of our little Bun's first flight to be; yes yes yes he is going to fly... 
... What can be nicer than flying for the first time to meet his big Indian family ! 
     ... Lil Bun is 6 months now; everyone has been longing to see him & hug him !!
          ... He will be attending a wedding for the first time, a big fat Indian wedding !!!

All smiles :o)

It's not like he didn't have any vacations so far, he had since he was just a few weeks old (his first international getaway was nearby, to Antwerp, when he turned one month old ! )but we kept it on ground TILL NOW. 
Mainly because it has been a fight to sort out all legal documents for our lil Bun so that he can travel. 
Passport took ages due to some birth certificate error which they would not inform us until we put it in for speed up after waiting for more than 3 months. But atleast then it went fast. In a week passport was ready, next week we applied for his visa/ residence permit and now it is ready in-time for us to make it to India !

We don't know about him but we are excited and at the same time overwhelmed thinking about everything and everyone together. 

I will be meeting my brother-in-law and sister-in-law first time after our wedding ! Now that is something. 
I will be seeing my 3.5 years old nephew for the first time! 
I will be meeting new generation generation babies from old friends !!
And hopefully we will catch up with some good comfort food that we have been missing over here, if our stomach allows! 

We do not know how it will be, how lil Bun will be, how will we manage and how much will he enjoy. But he will see, he will experience, he will learn and he will grow. We think.

√ / X ?

It has been an internal fight lately... i want to write but what's on my mind, what i want to write about, what i should be writing, what i should be sharing or not sharing remains a question to me.

It is a difficult phase when all you are going through or experiencing are things debatable on sharing front.

Today i was just surfing and started reading a few blogs. Beautifully shared lives and growing up.

And then i wondered why am i not writing enough?

Why did i start writing in the first place? Not for people to read, not for people to judge me, not to brag about things, not for people to know me better, not to make people jealous, not to get popular but solely to create memories and to be able to look back and re-live those words laid down over here.

What if someone says... look at her, she cannot think about anything but her baby!

What if people think i have turned my blog in to a craft blog or a whining blog or mamma blog or a baby blog!

Does it really matter?

If it worried me that much, "consequences of sharing", then i better be penning down thoughts secretly in a personal diary! 

Do i write for people to read or do i write for myself? I got to decide.

Will it be fair to me if i stop writing just because someone wouldn't want to read what i am writing about?

If not to anyone, i should be fair with myself.

When i feel that i want to catch this phase of my life, i want to wrap feelings and emotions i experience for the first time (or second time or again and again) wrap into words and put in safe for me to explore five years, ten years, fifteen years down the line.

I may remember today, i may not remember today... today might be a significant day making a life altering event of my life or it might be just another day which i wont remember after a few years but these feelings i put in words will stay, will live.

I want to share so many things and at the same time dilemma pops in whether it is appropriate to share some things. 

I want to say aloud how you made me feel, i want to share how lucky i am to have you, i want to tell you how my life change because of you. 

I want to shout from the rooftop each and every development on our little bunny front, each new mischief he did and each new milestone he passed but sometimes i am not sure if i should!

With Ashu, it was easy to ask if he was comfortable on what i share but with Lil Bun, i am not sure. I tried asking him, but whatever i ask him all he gave me is an adoring, heart melting smile with twinkles in his eyes! 

Ohh how much i love my little guy.

I don't know what individual he will end up like, he might not like his mum didn't maintain his anonymity. Or may be he will love reading what / how it used to be!

Anyway as you might have already noticed from my previous post that i decided to write, to share. At the same time in my tries to balance things out a bit my little one has become what he is to us "Our Little Bunny" (or lil Bun as i call him some times). 

When he grows up he will create his own identity and totally uptp him what he wants to be!

Bun got a bug !

Our little Bunny has been unwell lately, it is so difficult to see your little one suffer. They cannot express and you cannot make out what their cries mean.

And then to add in you get bombarded with hundreds of advises and being first time parents it only makes you more confused (i bet it will be the same for second time parents as well, just they may be able to act a bit stronger ).

When he first threw up i was filled with guilt as it happened after i let him taste a grape.  He had been eyeing while i was munching them. When he picked one up one and tried to taste it, i couldn't say no and instead helped him cutting it in a small piece. 

I loved him making faces as he tasted it for the first time, as juice oozed out from a grape. And then he gulped it, my mind raced on what was i suppose to do in the case he chocked up. But he managed to take it out on his own and very next moment a burping sound and all milk came out with a piece of grape. Another burping sound and a bigger threw up covered couch and my jeans. Cleaned him and thought it might be just his chocking reflexes which made him threw up.

After a while i prepared him his potato for dinner. He ate happily.

Then came time to go to bed and a bath before that. I gave him light exercise after short massage.  He didn't seem much in a mood so tried to make him smile. As i took him in my hand and carried towards bath, here comes a burp and before i realise i was covered in potato !

Again i blamed it on not having long time before dinner and massage / exercise.

I put him to bed and when we checked on him before going to bed there he was covered in wet clothes, seems he threw up in his sleep. Again cleaned him and as he woke up in the process put him on bed between us for until he feels sleepy again. Soon enough he was going back to sleep.  I decided to give him some milk to keep hi hydrated, he has been vomiting everything he has since evening.

I switched off the lights for him to drift off in sleep, and then i hear a burp. I switched on lights and next i see him throwing out in his sleep. Again took him off bed. cleaned him, cleaned bed and changed bedsheets.  Decided not to leave him alone in his room as he didn't seem fine. Put him in cradle beside our bed and same thing again, he threw up again. 

Now it is not that he was never unwell, he has been having his share of those  cold, runny nose moments but this was different. 
This was not coincidence but it was official that our little Bunny was sick.

SICK FOR THE FIRST TIME !!! 

(Well that is also a milestone, now he can only get stronger !)

Anyway but it didn't help my guilt which started to build up, can it be as i let him taste a grape, or to be precise a fraction of a grape?

Called the Google God and it says 8-10 months so it is early, some more guilt. 

Then followed doctor visits, (who by the way didn't react to my grape story ) making him to have diluted milk in small amount every 15 mins. It was difficult to give him small quantities as he seemed hungry at times and wouldn't want to give up on bottle and then try again in a few mins when he wouldn't want to have a bottle. Battle to keep him hydrated started. 

By the evening he started feeling warm, first check 38.4 degrees. That didn't make us worry thinking that can be as he is not feeling at his best. After two hours 39.2 degrees and then it made us worry. Gave him bath to bring the fever down, we managed to get him at 38.9 and it stayed so till next day. More doctor visits, more advises. More prescription, more diarrhea. That's how went our next few days.

So now i think that was some virus he picked up from day care or by the way he has been putting everything in his mouth lately.

Just when we were happy on how good he was doing, how good he was sleeping, we are back to sleepless nights. 

It seems he is getting better though, (better with fever, vomiting,  not better with back-to-normal sleeping patterns...sigh ! ) almost back to his normal diet. Also started back with fruit purees on name of solids. Diarrhea still there but atleast it is getting better. 

And now suddenly there appears red cheeks out of no where.

Is it an ear infection?

Is it a sign he is teething?

Is it a slapped Cheek disease?

And there starts a wondering cycle. Again.

He is 4 Months Already !

He is 4 months old already, Okay 4 months and 4 days to be precise. 

Time does fly !

At times, he looks clueless and blank, and then comes a moment when he is as engaging as ever. That might leave us in confusion but then there are some moments which makes us feel he does understand more than what we think they might be.

How else comes that heart-melting smile when we wish him good morning before picking him up in the morning?

How else he holds our hand so tight while going to sleep at night and even keeps checking if we are still there in between slipping in sound sleep?

How else he looks at us at the end of the room when we call him?

He might be just 4 months old, but when we look at him it sure feels like he has been in our lives for longer.

He might not know meaning of mummy and papa, but he does seem to be understanding difference between people he lives with, people he knows and people he doesn't know.

We thought he was not choosy of the company he keeps but he surprised us the day he turned 4 months old, but showing clear preferences on how he knows who is carrying him.

He started rolling over quite early, before he turned 3 months and really enjoys the view of world around him that way. 

We are trying to keep him away from watching TV atleast till he is a few months old, but as soon as he hears TV he will turn to watch it at 180  degree angle, leaving us no other option but to restrain ourselves from TV while he is awake. 

Same with Mac, when we bring him to chat with his grandparents, uncle and aunt on skype, he will go quiet and will just stare at screen. After a while he will get bored and start looking out of window ! No show off of the recent acquired skills for anyone...hmm.

So it is only for people who live with him to see that now he can hold things, he can aim for the toys hanging over his head, pull them, and bring anything he gets hold of to his mouth.

He even holds his bottle himself, and really shouts hard when he keeps pushing it out of his mouth instead in his excited mood and we try to help him keep it there. He wants to do so many things all at the same time and is too distracted to concentrate on any one thing.

He tries to imitate speech sounds when we talk with him but then later end up just shouting on his own, getting over-excited !

He laughs like anything, can do yoga by trying to perform Chakrasana, Halasana, Janusirsasana, Paścimottānāsana ... aah and not to forget Śavāsana ofcourse when he sleeps !

Wait Bun. is calling me.

Yes dear?

Mom, Is there any asana where you put your feet in your mouth, i have been doing that as well right?

Bun. darling, this is mom's blog and she writes (???) here so better you have your own blog for all the questions and things you want to say, ask and write.

Okay mom, wait and watch then... i will have my own diary and i will not let you even read it.

Arrrm, ummm. hmmm. 

Kids. :/

Haha, so that is all of him for now. 

With his mumma, me, things are going alright as well. Settled back in work-home routine. 
Also trying to revive my cooking blog, now that i am back to cook more regularly after mom went back India, let's see how well it  goes.

Good to be back doing so many things i enjoy and to be back to blogging. :-)

Being a mom !

I have been busy again, for well known reasons!

If I have to summarize this new experience or new phase of life in a few words i would say "you can never IMAGINE the life, emotions and love you experience with a baby in your life, you only know when you have one."

I often heard that you cannot imagine your life with a baby until you have one and you cannot imagine your life without  them once you have them. Now i know better what it meant. 

Aaah and now that i am back to work talking in language of Projects - This will be the most difficult, most challenging and most satisfying project you will ever handle, if you manage this project well, there won't be any other project in the world which you cannot manage! 

We have evolved from what we were last year. We thought we had it all figured out, we knew what it means to love someone, to care for someone but as soon as our Little Bunny arrived in our lives it all seemed naive.

We always liked babies but it is different when it is your own. You know their flaws and still you cannot help being blind and behaving as they rightly say for parents the most perfect and beautiful baby in the world is their own. 

I didn't know i was capable of loving someone with any more intensity than i already did. However that feeling didn't come over the night.  

For Ashu, it was a love at first sight, i saw it in his eyes when he saw our lil Bun for the first time in operation room and he went speechless. He stood there staring at him murmuring something like Lopa you should see this; it is the most incredible thing and the most beautiful baby!

I was more like yes we have a baby and it took me some time to sink it in that this little baby was really inside me all this time. I even missed him in my belly whenever i touched it and i didn't get a kick back in response!

As days passed, i could feel the emotions building up (which might be hormones actually!) and the love. 

Now that i am back at work there stands my insecurities about leaving him at day care, about not being able to spend enough time with him and then losing sleep on what if he wouldn't recognize me as his mom as he hardly sees me during whole day!

I know i shouldn't worry and it all falls in place, but now i can see how motherhood and worrying over small things go hand in hand. Now i understand better why our mom's always keep worrying about us.

Yup, i have it all figured out.... They are side-effects of being a mom!

And he is here...

 He is here, Finally !! 

After 3 sleepless days and nights, and too many paracetamols to help me catch up some sleep, it all failed.

We ended up in hospital being induced. 

Epidural didn't work first time, so after an hour it was removed to try it again second time but this time also it worked only on right side and not on left.

After painful hours of waiting, epidural wore off (which was not much effective anyway ), greenish amniotic fluid, not much progress even after IV, contractions one mins apart, it was decided to wait till midnight and make a decision based on progress as it was not advisable to go like that next day. 

At midnight doctor decided to go for a c-section looking at not much progress.

Our Little Bunny was here on 23rd May 2012, 1:30 am. 

Weighted 3.45 kgs, Length 50cms.

We stayed in hospital for 3 days, during which lil Bun met with his first accident when his changing table came off the wall while his papa was changing his diaper with nurse's assistance  Luckily lil Bun. fell off on his papa's legs and didn't have any injury but it was traumatic at first. (Almost all staff came and apologized , it was ok when he was not hurt but what if he was ! ). 

Anyway all those pains are left behind and we are home now. 

We are busy adjusting with new schedules and doing better day by day.

Thank you all for checking on us and sending wishes our ways. 

With this update, template of this Blog comes full circle. It's been a journey, and a journey i wouldn't want anything to change from it !

Little Bunny Welcome on our Blog.  Hope you will enjoy it as much as your mummy n papa do.