He is 4 Months Already !

He is 4 months old already, Okay 4 months and 4 days to be precise. 

Time does fly !

At times, he looks clueless and blank, and then comes a moment when he is as engaging as ever. That might leave us in confusion but then there are some moments which makes us feel he does understand more than what we think they might be.

How else comes that heart-melting smile when we wish him good morning before picking him up in the morning?

How else he holds our hand so tight while going to sleep at night and even keeps checking if we are still there in between slipping in sound sleep?

How else he looks at us at the end of the room when we call him?

He might be just 4 months old, but when we look at him it sure feels like he has been in our lives for longer.

He might not know meaning of mummy and papa, but he does seem to be understanding difference between people he lives with, people he knows and people he doesn't know.

We thought he was not choosy of the company he keeps but he surprised us the day he turned 4 months old, but showing clear preferences on how he knows who is carrying him.

He started rolling over quite early, before he turned 3 months and really enjoys the view of world around him that way. 

We are trying to keep him away from watching TV atleast till he is a few months old, but as soon as he hears TV he will turn to watch it at 180  degree angle, leaving us no other option but to restrain ourselves from TV while he is awake. 

Same with Mac, when we bring him to chat with his grandparents, uncle and aunt on skype, he will go quiet and will just stare at screen. After a while he will get bored and start looking out of window ! No show off of the recent acquired skills for anyone...hmm.

So it is only for people who live with him to see that now he can hold things, he can aim for the toys hanging over his head, pull them, and bring anything he gets hold of to his mouth.

He even holds his bottle himself, and really shouts hard when he keeps pushing it out of his mouth instead in his excited mood and we try to help him keep it there. He wants to do so many things all at the same time and is too distracted to concentrate on any one thing.

He tries to imitate speech sounds when we talk with him but then later end up just shouting on his own, getting over-excited !

He laughs like anything, can do yoga by trying to perform Chakrasana, Halasana, Janusirsasana, Paścimottānāsana ... aah and not to forget Śavāsana ofcourse when he sleeps !

Wait Bun. is calling me.

Yes dear?

Mom, Is there any asana where you put your feet in your mouth, i have been doing that as well right?

Bun. darling, this is mom's blog and she writes (???) here so better you have your own blog for all the questions and things you want to say, ask and write.

Okay mom, wait and watch then... i will have my own diary and i will not let you even read it.

Arrrm, ummm. hmmm. 

Kids. :/

Haha, so that is all of him for now. 

With his mumma, me, things are going alright as well. Settled back in work-home routine. 
Also trying to revive my cooking blog, now that i am back to cook more regularly after mom went back India, let's see how well it  goes.

Good to be back doing so many things i enjoy and to be back to blogging. :-)

Being a mom !

I have been busy again, for well known reasons!

If I have to summarize this new experience or new phase of life in a few words i would say "you can never IMAGINE the life, emotions and love you experience with a baby in your life, you only know when you have one."

I often heard that you cannot imagine your life with a baby until you have one and you cannot imagine your life without  them once you have them. Now i know better what it meant. 

Aaah and now that i am back to work talking in language of Projects - This will be the most difficult, most challenging and most satisfying project you will ever handle, if you manage this project well, there won't be any other project in the world which you cannot manage! 

We have evolved from what we were last year. We thought we had it all figured out, we knew what it means to love someone, to care for someone but as soon as our Little Bunny arrived in our lives it all seemed naive.

We always liked babies but it is different when it is your own. You know their flaws and still you cannot help being blind and behaving as they rightly say for parents the most perfect and beautiful baby in the world is their own. 

I didn't know i was capable of loving someone with any more intensity than i already did. However that feeling didn't come over the night.  

For Ashu, it was a love at first sight, i saw it in his eyes when he saw our lil Bun for the first time in operation room and he went speechless. He stood there staring at him murmuring something like Lopa you should see this; it is the most incredible thing and the most beautiful baby!

I was more like yes we have a baby and it took me some time to sink it in that this little baby was really inside me all this time. I even missed him in my belly whenever i touched it and i didn't get a kick back in response!

As days passed, i could feel the emotions building up (which might be hormones actually!) and the love. 

Now that i am back at work there stands my insecurities about leaving him at day care, about not being able to spend enough time with him and then losing sleep on what if he wouldn't recognize me as his mom as he hardly sees me during whole day!

I know i shouldn't worry and it all falls in place, but now i can see how motherhood and worrying over small things go hand in hand. Now i understand better why our mom's always keep worrying about us.

Yup, i have it all figured out.... They are side-effects of being a mom!

And he is here...

 He is here, Finally !! 

After 3 sleepless days and nights, and too many paracetamols to help me catch up some sleep, it all failed.

We ended up in hospital being induced. 

Epidural didn't work first time, so after an hour it was removed to try it again second time but this time also it worked only on right side and not on left.

After painful hours of waiting, epidural wore off (which was not much effective anyway ), greenish amniotic fluid, not much progress even after IV, contractions one mins apart, it was decided to wait till midnight and make a decision based on progress as it was not advisable to go like that next day. 

At midnight doctor decided to go for a c-section looking at not much progress.

Our Little Bunny was here on 23rd May 2012, 1:30 am. 

Weighted 3.45 kgs, Length 50cms.

We stayed in hospital for 3 days, during which lil Bun met with his first accident when his changing table came off the wall while his papa was changing his diaper with nurse's assistance  Luckily lil Bun. fell off on his papa's legs and didn't have any injury but it was traumatic at first. (Almost all staff came and apologized , it was ok when he was not hurt but what if he was ! ). 

Anyway all those pains are left behind and we are home now. 

We are busy adjusting with new schedules and doing better day by day.

Thank you all for checking on us and sending wishes our ways. 

With this update, template of this Blog comes full circle. It's been a journey, and a journey i wouldn't want anything to change from it !

Little Bunny Welcome on our Blog.  Hope you will enjoy it as much as your mummy n papa do.

We are expecting...!

After family it was time to inform friends and colleagues. I informed my boss straight away so that he knows reasons for me feeling sick. 

More than me Suz was curious on when do i tell other colleagues, she kept asking me when will i as she wanted her dream to be true in a real sense that i inform the news and she can hug me openly showing how happy she felt ! 

We decided on informing everyone after our first ultrasound so that we know everything is well and good. I had my first ultrasound at 11 weeks and i informed to my department colleagues the very same day, more because Suz was getting impatient! hehe

Next week we invited some of the friends at our home and i baked a cake specially to announce the news to them.

Ashu went by saying "We are going to have a new member in our group; only thing is there will be a big age difference / generation gap". And then we presented the cake which read "We are expecting !!

Dream which came true...

After the big news for us, it was time to pass on the same to our families. I was so confused and felt so unprepared on how to unfold it to everyone. Also we wanted to wait till the confirmation with doctor before we tell anyone. It was not that difficult to wait as we had already plans of flying over to Milan for a long weekend.

We were hoping for some nice shopping time and good Italian food, well the trip didn't turn out exactly what we expected, atleast for me. The morning sickness / nausea suddenly kicked in making me feeling sick almost all the time while there. All i wanted to do was to sleep as i felt tired and exhausted.

I couldn't eat anything as suddenly i developed aversion towards tomato and cheese, and if you know Italian cooking it is difficult not to have them especially with me being vegetarian.

We did manage some shopping and walking around the street. And i enjoyed Italian ice-cream, so yummy!

But you know somehow you start relating things with the state of mind you were in at that particular moment, so till today all the dresses i wore while i was there just glimpse of them reminds me of nausea and how awful i felt. I haven't been able to wore any of those again (well, they don't fit me also anymore but still). 

By the way this is what we found while walking on the streets of Milan. Aaahn romantic Italians ! ;o)

Anyway we flew back, went to doctor, and got the confirmation but i was still confused as it was still based on the same pregnancy test i did back home. In India things work differently, it is common to have an ultrasound done on your first visit but here they didn't check anything, wishes us congratulations and passed on midwife references to select one from.

I made an appointment with midwife, and they don't give you appointment until you are 8 weeks along, so I was a bit more confused. How do I tell everyone without a proper check-up and confirmation!

First appointment came, and again nothing. As first appointment is suppose to be counseling one and then they don't check or do ultrasound. They wait until week 11-12 for the first ultrasound.

Now i was losing patience and we decided to start telling people around us anyway, if not all atleast we have to start with our families.

I decided to inform them by writing them.

I wrote letters to my parents, parents-in-laws, my brother, sister, and Ashu's brother.

Write up varied but basically it went with similar concept.

First page said “They said always be positive and you know what we got positive today?"

Then inside i stick a picture of positive pregnancy test result and it read, "Yes got it right, Congratulations to be grand parents!”

The one i wrote to my sister was different than those. She was getting married in January and teased me just a few weeks back that it will be so nice if you plan family now then when you come to wedding we have your shower function as well and i laughed it out saying it is too late for that to plan.

So she got the first ever letter from little one. I don't remember exact wording but it went something like this...

Page 1 Front:

"Hi,

I heard you are getting married in January, and you expressed a wish for me also to be present there.

Well I heard you and just wanted to know that I will be there to attend your wedding"

Page 2 Inside:

"Congratulations Masi" (Masi = maternal aunt)

I sent both letters for my brother and sister together and i asked him to video shoot her reaction when she reads it and to send me. Well he did what i asked. At first she read the first page and gave a confused look on what it is? And then as she read inside she just laughed and laughed for full 5 mins, before uttering a word. I do still have that video and i crack up every time i watch it!

Can Dreams be real? ( Part # 2)

After the negative test, somehow i could not accept that test result, though it was likely to be true. I checked the stick after 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 mins and then i threw it in dustbin.

At night after cleaning when i opened the dustbin to throw some more garbage, i saw a very light second line appearing on the pregnancy kit. I couldn't help checking it a few more times.

When we went to bed i could not fall asleep. To clear my mind I took my phone and started googling on accuracy of home pregnancy tests.

It read - good time for test is early morning with first urine. During the day time it is possible not to have accurate result. I decided to do the test again in the morning.

So far i hadn't told Ashu about the negative test or something. It wasn't that we were planning for sometime but still somehow i was so convinced that morning test will be positive and then i will tell him giving him a surprise. So now laying in bed my mind went journeying on how to tell him, what will he react? How shall i announce it to him? Finally i decided something and fall asleep.

In the morning i woke up early. Rushed to bathroom and took the test. I was so convinced already on the outcome, and it did come true to my expectations when i looked at the stick.

I ran upstairs to the study room.

Took a card paper (which i had bought thinking to create home-made cards, someday!), scribbled a few words with sketch pen.

Folded it and inside glued the stick with result. (Yes i did wash it before doing all this)

Then i took the paper, went to bedroom where Ashu's mobile was charging and placed it beneath his cell so he will read when he will go for his cell before leaving for office.

Then i continued with routine. Went for a shower. Ashu was in hurry to leave early for some morning meeting so we hardly talked.

I was upstairs ironing my dress when i heard him calling that he is leaving. I heard him going to charging point for cell.

Silence for a minute.

Then i heard him calling me...

Lopiiii...is this true?

In two minutes he was upstairs in ironing room running with that hand-written paper in his hand.

He looked at me. smiled.

"Really?"

"hmm"

He couldn't stop repeating it for a minute and then he hugged me tight, we stood there like that and we danced for a minute with our eyes wet :)

So that was the day we knew, we had our little one coming.

I took doctor appointment for next week, and then the wait started.

That was 22nd September 2011.

PS. I did tell Suz about my doctor appointment, and she couldn't be any more excited. She called me especially in the evening for confirmation after i returned from doctor! After all she was the only one who knew even before we knew!

Can Dreams be real? ( Part # 1)

It was month of September. I had been quite busy with a project at work past few months, doing overtime almost everyday. But it was about to get over as project Go-live date was approaching just in 2 weeks.

In laws had just gone back to India from a 10 weeks visit, it was just last 2 days or so i was not doing over-time and still i felt exhausted and tired. I thought it might be a break-down. My body has reached a point and cannot do anymore, this is what exhaustion is.

I was thinking this, sitting at my desk in the morning and a colleague came to me smiling. Let's call her Suz. She comes and tells me i had you in my dream yesterday.

Aaah, now that was a surprise.

So.... what was it about?

I had a dream that you are pregnant !

huh?

Yes, we were sitting here at my desk, you came there and were sitting in a chair next to me and then told me that you are pregnant. I was so happy, we hugged and i was telling you that i am so happy for you.

hehe that's funny :)

Is it true, are you?

No, i am not.

Ya it is weird that i had such a dream, else before this i never had a dream about you.

hmm ya, strange.

So we laughed a bit and got back to work.

In the evening, i was felling tired and could not take it anymore. So i informed in the office that i am leaving a bit early today.

Suz looked at me from behind her desktop and commented:

May be you are pregnant ! That's a sign. You feel tired when you are.

I laughed and left for home. While driving back home, i kept thinking whether it is possible.

I was late only by 2 days and that was normal considering all the stress at work. Whenever too stressed and exhausted i had been late even a week before. So there was nothing new in that.

But somehow i couldn't shrug the thoughts off.

I kept thinking if it was possible possible, to clear my mind i decided to take home pregnancy test.

I took the home pregnancy test as soon as i reached home and guess what?

It came Negative !!

So may be that was just a dream, and not all dreams are real !!

21st September 2011