Thursday, February 4, 2010

Sometimes all you need is to move on....

One of the worse experiences to go through are formed by separation, or to say split up or Divorces.
The trauma once passes through that is truly painful and equally stressful.

There is a contrast which life brings, while a few of the friends are still single not ready to commit, the score of divorce will reach 5 with two of my very good friends going on the path of splitting up this year, and no it has nothing to do with what everyone conceives of India "Land of arrange Marriages"

When we were in our teenage, we thought break up was "the end of the world", at least for us, at least it felt that way for sometime until we learn to move on.
But it wasn't, right?
And so even divorce isn't.
It is just when one is not married, it is a bit easier to separate things than when one is married. * ( yes conditions apply and exceptions are always there )
I remember the times when every Indian used to think "Divorce" as "Unthinkable".
But now i see the change coming. And i am happy for this more accepting society.

So what's actually happening here?
People are being more open minded to accept it or people are becoming more intolerant and too stiff to make a little necessary adjustments needed for a relationship work?

I keep hearing it that "Life is too long if you are with a wrong person" , I would defer a little bit here, it is not a wrong person, it is an incompatible person resulting in a wrong relationship. Someone not compatible with xyz might be compatible with abc. There is just no comparison, every individual is different !

There are lots of debates blaming it on women liberalisation, Women getting more career-oriented than before and changed priorities ! But is it really?

Every relationship has some problems, even one with which we grow up. One has to try to work it out, and each of us does that. But what when a relationship starts to suffocate you and you start feeling like living as a fish out of water !

I can see the change coming in how people perceive things, and I am happy that people are more open to the fact that everytime it is not necessary that compromises work and sometimes just leaving and moving on can be a better option !

While i always wished for my friends that things will work out for them and there will be some kind of miracle out there, bringing their life back to happily ever after, now i see more clearly that sometimes moving on is a better option.

Now as they have already made a decision for themselves i see that with everyday stress gone, they look more serene.
That peace obtained with acceptance within, reflects as a peaceful and happier glow on their faces.
I feel happy looking at them as at least now they look happier than before !

Bravo girls, there is a new world awaiting for you, a new tomorrow ! Make most of it.


nameera said...

MMMM!!!!sensitive issue!
Best of luck to your pals.
new template!!!!!nice! brown/earthy/bricky colour doesn't suit the sweet sweet text here on ur blogs.just a suggestion!
Every one's got their own choice.teri marzi ;P

Unknown said...

I love to read the thoughts & perspectives of an intelligent woman from another part of the world, so thank you for sharing this :-)

~ Lopa said...

@ nameera 

Yes, that is why it was in my mind but i was not putting it out in words but then i thought why not, what i think or feel is what it is, right?
And sometimes in stead of closing eyes towards things around you, it is okay to accept and move on :)

Actually i loved the templet concept, those pictures are perfect with title of my blog, Life as it goes on... I am not on step 4 though, hehehe
It doesn't allow me to change font colours :(
I will try though if i can customise it a bit, I am not that good when it comes codes and htmls :(

~ Lopa said...

@ A Touch of Dutch 

It is interesting that how same situations, issues, circumstances are treated differently in different part of the world.

There can be something which isn't a big deal in one part of the world and same thing can be a life altering thing in other part of the world !
It speaks a lot about cultural differences, and it is always nice to know more about different cultures and understand them.

Thanks Isabella for your comment :o)

sagarika said...

well said lopa:)Can't comment much on the topic (not married yet)haha...but I love this sentence

"it is not necessary that compromises work and sometimes just leaving and moving on can be a better option !"

very true sometimes moving on is the best option but it take lots of courage to move on and your friends have that totally...Anw hope some miracle happens between ur friends..:)

~ Lopa said...

@ sagarika

Hehehe, you need not to have toxic food to discuss side effects of eating that :)

You know what is my favourite sentence?
" Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes, it just means you are strong enough to let go."

Yeah i wish the same for my friends as well. I am sure future has something better for them in store.

Diwakar Sinha said...

thanks for was very well said.
I agree 100%

Anonymous said...

Option of moving on is easier when kids are not around. But when couple have kids and they are sensitive towards kids than it becomes difficult.

Maintaining relationship requires lot of patience and compromise. That is what my experience says.
btw, I liked this one from you.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes, it just means you are strong enough to let go."

thamarai said...

oooi Lopa woooowww!!! Blog looks sooper cool! Really the new look is great! :)

thamarai said...

oops! I actually forgot to write my comment on the post..:) Every relationship has to be worked on i think..I heard somewhere ki love is not just a feeling but an ability...I understand though that there are limits to how much one can sacrifice.. and in that case it is for the best to move on...

I wish the best for your friends..

Anonymous said...

hey, a touchy topic, but very well written/dealt with... i kind of feel that when we are young/inexperienced, we tend to mistake lust for love, and are too stubborn/blinded to realise it. 'josh mein hosh kho dete'. later on, when we become more mature we realise that perhaps, we made a mistake. it is a sad situation, and i agree that rather than being stuck with an incompatible person, it is probably best to move on.

wonderful blog, and i look forward to your next posts!

Orangesplaash said...

First of all congrats on the new look..nice, and refreshing!! I feel moving on is an option but that has to be the last resort..but I really appreciate the fact that you chose to mention it here on your blog. Keep up with such great posts!!

~ Lopa said...

@ Diwakar Sinha

Thanks Diwakar for visiting blog and dropping a comment :)

~ Lopa said...

@ krunalc

I agree what you said and also the fact that it's even more difficult when kids are around.

But as far as kids are the factor uniting a couple, that's fine. But not if that staying together ends up creating more hostile atmosphere for growing up kids than it would have been if they are separated.

And also look at us, we left our home years back, i moved out of my house at 17, when i got admission in engineering and how many of us have returned back ! We are on our own, we are living life what we chose for ourselves and our kids will have the same. So why can't parents have it. What after kids are gone, settled and busy in their lives ! Why still they have to live then with load of that not-so-working relationship. But there is change coming and it is just the start.

But i do agree, kind of social pressure one has while living in India, it is not that easy to just move on. And it also should be the last option / resort.

~ Lopa said...

@ thamarai

Vijiiiiii, thank you, thank you, thank you :)

Yes i totally agree that every relationship needs some efforts to make it work, even with siblings we make some while we grow up together, don't we?

I personally feel Life is once and every individual has a right to be happy. :O)

~ Lopa said...

@ Anonymous

It has always been a touchy subject as far as we Indians are concerned :)

I completely believe that one has to give their best in the relationship to make it work. But when you don't see any future in that, and there is no option but either to live or suffer, i think everyone deserves a chance to live.

Thanks for your comment and i look forward to know more of you :)

~ Lopa said...

@ Orangesplaash

Thanks Arwa :)

What i feel is no one likes to move on until they have no choice but to move on ! Indeed it's a really painful situation.

This blog is my open diary, it exists because i love to write, and i write to share. It will not be me if i write about what is not me. I will not be honest if i don't write about what i feel and think :)

Hetal said...

Hmmm.. You have said it all... Kudos to this line of yours: "Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes, it just means you are strong enough to let go."

~ Lopa said...

@ Hatal,

Thanks Hetal,
You understand it better and you don't know how much i appreciate your feedback on this one :)

Ketan Shah said...

I agree tht society changes and accepting such things also but not the way it has to be ... in such matter people acept things too fast just saying "are nahi jam rahi thi dono ki so alag ho gaye" .. no one thnk k is there any solution to situation ....

nameera said...

fonts and colors!
thats it!!

~ Lopa said...

@ Ketan

I defer a bit here as well, when they want to avoid discussion they say that, otherwise they want to know everything, inside story of why such decision :)
And until they have it, discussions keep going on based on hypothetical situations and assumptions, agar aisa tha aisa kiya ja sakta tha, aise hasty decision nahi lena chahiye josh me aakar :)

Decisions needs to be validated and approved otherwise they remain subject of assumptions with lots of fiction work and discussion! :o)

~ Lopa said...

@ nameera
haha i know re, but i can't, i changed whatever it allowed and i could which you didn't notice ! :o/

See fonts are orange now on right sidebar, post title is green, they are not brick colour anymore ! :o/

PP said...

Too many comments, m not expert and experiencd enouf (not married or commited anytime:)) to comment.
But even with friends and family members i know one thing... u dont get right people every time... but its upto us how can we turn it right... if the life is too short... value the time we invest in a relationship...running away or termination isn't always a solution!!

and last line bravo girls??? well it should't be gender bias... madame :) guys suffer equally even in male bias society...

~ Lopa said...

@ Pritesh

Oooops, not intentionally That was 'coz while writing it i had those of my friends in mind, whom i mentioned in the post. They are passing through difficult phase and so it just came out.... Bravo Girls :)

But agree, more appropriate would have been... Bravo Guys ! :)

I agree with your point that one has to make it work.
It is said, easier to be said than to be done :)
When life is too short, working it out gets too long :)

PP said...

Well the reason for my comment was one of my dear friend is also passing through same tough time... and he is male :) and my comment was an immediate reaction to it!!

any ways its also said (by me;)), its tough to say when its already suffered(or done)!! :)

and yea working out is always too long...nothings bed of roses.. its just how we feel it!!

sudhakar said...

I have enjoyed reading your article. I appreciate your writing style -original and from bottom of heart. In my opinion, in the Western world, there are less economic and social pressures, when compared to other countries, especially our India. Social security, child support and almost guaranteed employment of youngsters after education, and no botheration of gorgeous marriages for children, no need to save for future- all these take away normal worries of parents. On the other side, these comforts make couple less tolerant to each other. We have solved complex problems in college using 3 dimensions - what they need to teach in education is the results of fourth dimension, that is ''Time'' , I mean patience.

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