Wednesday, April 7, 2010

One more year down !

I wanted to write in continuation with my last post on Berlin trip, but i cannot as right now that's not what is on my mind.
So what's on my mind???

Birthday Blues !

I remember those days back home, it all starts with a few days in advance friends asking you for a treat as your birthday is approaching, then a few days before the day you see them all gossiping and discussing something in the corners and trying to pretend something else as they see you. And you know what they are talking about and you also pretend that didn't notice it. hehehe

At 12 o'clock in the night you have friends at your doors with cakes and flowers which you almost anticipated. Sometimes they try to get you out with some planned reasons at some other place where they have made arrangements to throw you a surprise party. If nothing else and you are at remote place than your friends, you end up talking on calls and replying text messages till nearly early morning !

Then comes morning and you dress up your best with new dress, new shoes, new accessories. Everyone you come across will be extra-nice to you, will compliment you and will try to make you feel special.

Even at college / office same continues. At my last job, they had a nice tradition. On 1st of every month there is a small party where all whose birthday falls in that month are invited by management and HR team for a small gathering in a hall. They have a small party with some presentations, advance wishes and cake, juice, soft drinks. Everyone is presented a small momento "a silver coin".

On the exact birthday date there is a A4 size print with your photo and birthday wishes on notice board outside office canteen so everyone in the office knows that it's your birthday, Not easy to miss it as almost everyone in the company spends a few moments at that notice board at lunch time, and in any case if one misses that then it's also displayed on company intranet everyday that whose birthday is today. You receive a birthday greeting card from company with your photograph of that combined birthday gathering. Next day you receive that print which was on display at notice board. You can bring anything you want for your colleagues, ice-cream, cake, chocolates? your wish.

Over all you have a nice day as everyone is trying to make you feel special.

Then evenings, obviously party time. Most of the time you end up giving more than one parties to accommodate everyone. And not to forget tons of gifts, you are showered with gifts starting from previous night to till the day ends !

Ahhhh how I miss you all ! Now you get the reason of why i feel so home-sick specially this day !

So now you almost get the picture.

Now after moving here, it has started becoming a bit of depressing affair !

No 12 o'clock parties anymore, if you want a party you have to plan days in advance giving enough time to invitees to decide and accept invitation.
Fewer surprises day by day... no mid nights filled with texts and calls with time difference, I spent quite a reasonable amount on internet though as friends trying to get hold of me there, many wishes came along previous evening with a tag " Ok it's already 12 o'clock here so wish you a very happy birthday! "

No mid night cakes, no mid night flowers.

By actual 12 o' clock here i started feeling low ( same was the case last year i remember), I woke up in the morning feeling more depressed. For the first time i decided i don't want to wear a new dress as what's the point, but Ashu asked me why not? so i dressed in whatever he suggested me. After all He knows me the best, he knows how i feel, he has been trying whole week to make me feel not the way i did this morning... He gave me his bank card to shop whatever i wanted, tons of gifts from t-shirts, dresses, shoes, make-up to everything i wanted!

And still my eyes started dripping as we were on the way to office, yes i cried.

I am sorry for that Ashu. You didn't deserve to see fault. I am sorry for how i made you feel.

Obviously He felt very bad seeing me crying on my birthday repeating on how i am not liking this, how i don't want to go to office and how i have so many deadlines at work that i can't afford a leave !
Also each passing year means i am nearing to 30s and i don't want to !
I know world doesn't end and nothing will change, I am trying to but still facing difficulty to turn my face and ignore that feeling inside. I don't know if everyone feels that way or it's just me !

I entered the office with same mood, i started going through all the mails and messages on FaceBook and Orkut, and i again had to run to washroom to wash my face. One of my colleague ( whom we had given surprised baby shower) saw me and asked me and i explained how i feel !
It was nice to talk with her as being foreigner herself she understood what i was talking about, she understand the cultural difference and also shared her experiences and how she felt similar at certain points with a hug and wishes.

I came back to desk with lighter mood. More colleagues came to my desk to wish me and complaining that why didn't i tell them beforehand that it was my birthday, i accept i would have.
I opened my inbox again, read all the mails, replied to all the messages on social networking sites and have been answering calls on my cell phone continuously since i arrived at office.
Still i have those deadlines at work and still i have so much work, but still going through all the wishes and reading they care, makes me smile and i feel good.

Thanks everyone for making me smile, thanks everyone for being my friend, that's everyone for all the support and love you have been showering on me, Thanks for being there !


Dhara said...

Dear, it's but obvious that u r feeling homesick and also getting nearer to Digits threezero is little depressing. But its good ke tu pachha tara happy mode ma avi gai, as there is no point to ruin your special day by thinking sad things. So, I hope now you will not shed any tears! :) Keep smiling and remember Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Nithya said...

Lopa just wanna say one thing We Love you!!! You are a wonderful beautiful person.. Things like these happen.. Cannot forget my birthday after marriage.. It was not the same.. no hulla gulla no parents no big noise making family n no surprise showering cousins... My first anniversary was worse with my hubby not around and my immediate in law family not even getting flowers or cake nothing at all.. not even spending time or planning a party.. thats when a distant relative arranged a surprise party with few distant frnds n relatives.. it was so so so special for me...
Lopa keep smiling.. every year we grow with love n wisdom..

AmitL said...

Eheyyyy..I logged on at the right time-Lopa,here's wishing you a very very happy birthday. Have a lovely day/week/month/year and many more to come.:)And, tell us how the special day passed-all the special events(that can be blogged about,of course...*grin,grin,grin*)

Anonymous said...

Again "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". hope you shed ur tears n change ur mood to hv some good time at home in the evening.

Much fa(u)n fare for you on your past birthdays that's why u may be feeling lonely today. To be honest in my 30+ years of life, I hv never celebrated my birthday. Around 5-6 years back when I was in Mumbai n not married, I got to know about my birthday only in the evening when mom called to wish me. Birthdays have been just like common days for me if you don't consider dine out as celebration. So I'm not kinda normal human being in this matter :).

On this auspicious day for you, Also remember god n also thank for all that he has given to u in life.

Lizzy said...

Aww, I just left you a happy birthday message on facebook, but now I see you are sad today. That is not good! You know, I thought they made a big deal out of birthdays in Holland, but I can't believe your birthday stories from home! Wow! I would miss it too if I were you, but please don't let it make you too sad or you won't get to enjoy your birthday at all. I know how difficult it can be living away from home when things are just not going how you're used to, especially on special occasions like your birthday. Just remember that your family and friends back home are thinking about you...missing you and wishing they could do all of those fun surprises for you. For them it must be difficult too, not being able to do it. You also have Ashu, who loves you and wants you to feel happy and special today. That means a lot!

Happy Birthday Lopa!!!

Presépio no Canal said...

Happy Birthday, Lopa ;-) Have a wonderful day ;-)!!!

Beijinhos :-)

Presépio no Canal said...

Happy Birthday, Lopa :-) Have a wonderful day!!!

Beijinhos ;-)

sagarika said...

Oh no I am late again :( Sorry about that.Happy belated birthday Lopa :)..hey don't be sad on your special day yaar. I know how u feel especially when you are living in foreign country.

I went through this many years..but you are very lucky to have a sweet life may miss you family badly but you have smeone special by ur side always.thats a real blessing na...

I hope next yr u will get to celebrate with ur family in India :)..cheer up ..btw age doesn't matter..You are always young at Lopa...keep smiling...

nameera said...

bad bad bad!
Happy birthday tha you didn't tell us! tell you..I have my sister, she's married for two years now..away from college friends etc...her b'day every year used to be a special many and wishes.
She's here only in India.
I asked her many wishes and all..she said-nothing,it was just a regular day with just me n ur jeeju celebrating a little.
so it's not that u r out there not in India you miss it's the same here with everyone outa college don't feel bad..and you have your hubby compensate for all what you that shouldn't be a problem!
b'day k din cried !LOl!
Belated Happy B'day!

Unknown said...

Oh Lopa!! I'm so sorry you felt rather depressed! But I can perfectly understand how you felt! It's so hard when you're far away from "your" people and festivities, holidays, birthdays - they all make you feel a bit lonely, don't they!
Probably it's time to start new traditions, fun ones that might in a way make up for those you left back home?
As for getting closer to your 30s.... I'm telling you - they'll be the best years of your life, trust me. For me my 30s were so much better than my 20s. And I'm over that decade by now too - so I should know!! hehehe

Presépio no Canal said...

Only now I had the time to read your post! I understand what your feelings ;-) But as Aledys says probably it s time to start new traditions ;-) A reach and funny life in different ways ;-) The world is waiting for you, girl :-)
I wish you all the hapiness in the world!
Beijinhos :-)

Hetal said...

Lops dear... time has come to explore new age zone... make it even more interesting and fill it with great joy girl... its time to celebrate.. not to shed tears..go for it... hope u had a wonderful b'day...

Efrutik said...

Sweetie Happy Birthday, I've been so caught up with my drama that I didn't write earlier. Wish you all the best and lot's of love coming your way. Hugs don't despair sweetie :)

Bchai said...

Ah, Lopa, dear. 30's isn't as bad as you think it might be. LOL. ;) I'm having the most fun in my 30's now.

Also, I'm sorry you haven't been feeling "happy" about your birthday. I think part of it is being homesick, but that can't be helped when you're in a place where the culture from your home is different. I think that you should start celebrating it like you did at home though. Maybe you can invite a few friends (even those who aren't familiar with your culture) and explain to them that this is how you celebrate your birthday. Wouldn't that be kinda neat? ;)

I do really hope you had a great birthday though! Here's a toast to you from me!

Swatantra said...

Happy Birthday Dear!!

I am sure you are going to have a great year ahead.. For the long term happiness sometimes we have to make small compromises..

Take care!!

Unknown said...

First of all, happy birthday wishes to you! I am sorry you felt this. I see you have a very nice group of people around you here too who support & care about you, and it's great you have people who are in a similar situation as you who can understand well how you feel. That's really important, I feel.

My customary way of celebrating my birthday has also changed since living abroad, but I try to treat myself to the best on my birthday, as local custom doesn't suit my idea of a "happy" birthday. I try to do the similar things I used to do before I came here, but lately I have also made my own new customs, which typically includes leaving town to try something new on that day, as a celebration of a new year in my life. As time goes by, it gets a lot better! And I know it will for you too :-)

~ Lopa said...

@ dhara 
Thanks dear... yes yes don't count the years in your life but count the life in those years.... :)
Thanks for all the love and support sweets :)

@ Nithya 
Yes, i love you too... A few things changes after marriage and all gets busy in their lives so better not to compare it with what we had before, things change, they say only change is constant :)
And yes, I am smiling :)

~ Lopa said...

@ AmitL 
Thanks a lot Amit for your wishes, and yes seeing all the love and care people showed me here i got to write a part II with how it ended up :)
Once again, thanks for the wishes :)

@ krunalc 

Don't tell me... you don't celebrate your birthday? really? how come? Are you from the same planet as i live? hehehe kidding.
Yes, i know its all because of mind at work, it compares and makes one sad, but it is a wrong thing to do as there is never a comparison !

Thanks a lot for your wishes :)

~ Lopa said...

@ Lizzy 
Yes, there are some advantages and disadvantages of living away from home, but gladly apart from those morning blues at overall my day really turned out good:)
Thanks a lot for your wishes Lizzy !

@ Presépio no Canal 
Thanks a lot Sandra for your wishes, Beijinhos :-)

~ Lopa said...

@ sagarika 
Yes, time is a cure for everything and i will get used to new life style too :)
Thanks a lot for your wishes dear.

@ nameera 

Ohh is it? SO that means one shall never pass out the college life, what you say? hehehe Just kidding, but i really wish if i can :)

Thanks a lot dear for all your wishes.

~ Lopa said...

@ Aledys Ver 

With more and more people telling me, it gets better with age, now actually i am awaiting to pass that threshold... hehehe
It is so nice to be surrounded by you all, who can understand what i meant without misunderstanding my feelings.
Thanks a lot for all your wishes :)

@ Presépio no Canal 

Yes, i think it's now high time to make new friends, new traditions and explore new areas to make day fun :)
Thanks a lot for taking out time to read, to understand and to comment again. It really feels blessed :)
Beijinhos :-)

~ Lopa said...

@ Hetal 
Thanks a lot dear for your wishes, ohh there is still some time left before leaving 20's, so first let me make most of it :)

Thanks a lot Sweetie for sweet birthday wishes :)
Yeah i can imagine, even i have not been able to follow any of other blogs... will be back to routine soon.

~ Lopa said...

@ Bchai 

Hey, thanks for your wishes, first time at my blog and i wasn't in best of my mood ! So nice of you to still have patience to read and drop me a comment.
Yes i have to accept it now that i will be in my 30's but still i have got some time before that, and so i don't want to ruin it thinking about it, and they say it's all in our mind... so i have ordered my mind to stop working in that area...hehehe

I had a great birthday over-all. Thanks a lot for a toast and wishes ! :)

@ Swatantra 

Thanks a lot Swatantra for birthday wishes :)
Yes, that's life :)

~ Lopa said...

@ A Touch of Dutch 

Thanks a lot Isabella for your wishes.
Yes i guess as time will pass i will feel more settled here, still will miss home but will be able to not let it affect my day.
That's great thing you have developed over the time, your own tradition to celebrate special days... we have started doing that only going out somewhere and exploring new places or doing something new... but this time as long weekend was just gone and we were just back from a trip from Berlin a day before, couldn't take leave due to work pressure and so ....

But yes it was good in the end, and it feels really nice reading all this comments and to see that so many of you understand me.
Thanks for everything :o)

Mohan said...

Belated birthday wishes... so much nostalgic about birthdays... seriously, I too feel those special birthday celebrations were always the most memorable ones!

thamarai said...

Hey..once again happy birthday girl! Ah! I had no idea how you were feeling..hope all those blues are gone! You are cute cute lady! And you know that! Celebrate your b'day on once more and do it with full masti this time..:)

take care gal!

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