I wanted to write in continuation with my last post on Berlin trip, but i cannot as right now that's not what is on my mind.
So what's on my mind???
Birthday Blues !
I remember those days back home, it all starts with a few days in advance friends asking you for a treat as your birthday is approaching, then a few days before the day you see them all gossiping and discussing something in the corners and trying to pretend something else as they see you. And you know what they are talking about and you also pretend that didn't notice it. hehehe
At 12 o'clock in the night you have friends at your doors with cakes and flowers which you almost anticipated. Sometimes they try to get you out with some planned reasons at some other place where they have made arrangements to throw you a surprise party. If nothing else and you are at remote place than your friends, you end up talking on calls and replying text messages till nearly early morning !
Then comes morning and you dress up your best with new dress, new shoes, new accessories. Everyone you come across will be extra-nice to you, will compliment you and will try to make you feel special.
Even at college / office same continues. At my last job, they had a nice tradition. On 1st of every month there is a small party where all whose birthday falls in that month are invited by management and HR team for a small gathering in a hall. They have a small party with some presentations, advance wishes and cake, juice, soft drinks. Everyone is presented a small momento "a silver coin".
On the exact birthday date there is a A4 size print with your photo and birthday wishes on notice board outside office canteen so everyone in the office knows that it's your birthday, Not easy to miss it as almost everyone in the company spends a few moments at that notice board at lunch time, and in any case if one misses that then it's also displayed on company intranet everyday that whose birthday is today. You receive a birthday greeting card from company with your photograph of that combined birthday gathering. Next day you receive that print which was on display at notice board. You can bring anything you want for your colleagues, ice-cream, cake, chocolates? your wish.
Over all you have a nice day as everyone is trying to make you feel special.
Then evenings, obviously party time. Most of the time you end up giving more than one parties to accommodate everyone. And not to forget tons of gifts, you are showered with gifts starting from previous night to till the day ends !
Ahhhh how I miss you all ! Now you get the reason of why i feel so home-sick specially this day !
So now you almost get the picture.
Now after moving here, it has started becoming a bit of depressing affair !
No 12 o'clock parties anymore, if you want a party you have to plan days in advance giving enough time to invitees to decide and accept invitation.
Fewer surprises day by day... no mid nights filled with texts and calls with time difference, I spent quite a reasonable amount on internet though as friends trying to get hold of me there, many wishes came along previous evening with a tag " Ok it's already 12 o'clock here so wish you a very happy birthday! "
No mid night cakes, no mid night flowers.
By actual 12 o' clock here i started feeling low ( same was the case last year i remember), I woke up in the morning feeling more depressed. For the first time i decided i don't want to wear a new dress as what's the point, but Ashu asked me why not? so i dressed in whatever he suggested me. After all He knows me the best, he knows how i feel, he has been trying whole week to make me feel not the way i did this morning... He gave me his bank card to shop whatever i wanted, tons of gifts from t-shirts, dresses, shoes, make-up to everything i wanted!
And still my eyes started dripping as we were on the way to office, yes i cried.
I am sorry for that Ashu. You didn't deserve to see fault. I am sorry for how i made you feel.
Obviously He felt very bad seeing me crying on my birthday repeating on how i am not liking this, how i don't want to go to office and how i have so many deadlines at work that i can't afford a leave !
Also each passing year means i am nearing to 30s and i don't want to !
I know world doesn't end and nothing will change, I am trying to but still facing difficulty to turn my face and ignore that feeling inside. I don't know if everyone feels that way or it's just me !
I entered the office with same mood, i started going through all the mails and messages on FaceBook and Orkut, and i again had to run to washroom to wash my face. One of my colleague ( whom we had given surprised baby shower) saw me and asked me and i explained how i feel !
It was nice to talk with her as being foreigner herself she understood what i was talking about, she understand the cultural difference and also shared her experiences and how she felt similar at certain points with a hug and wishes.
I came back to desk with lighter mood. More colleagues came to my desk to wish me and complaining that why didn't i tell them beforehand that it was my birthday, i accept i would have.
I opened my inbox again, read all the mails, replied to all the messages on social networking sites and have been answering calls on my cell phone continuously since i arrived at office.
Still i have those deadlines at work and still i have so much work, but still going through all the wishes and reading they care, makes me smile and i feel good.
Thanks everyone for making me smile, thanks everyone for being my friend, that's everyone for all the support and love you have been showering on me, Thanks for being there !